


Sometimes love just needs a different dimension

by Captain_Snowflake



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Eventual Romanogers, F/M, Kid Clint Barton, Kid Maria Hill, Kid Natasha Romanov, Original Character(s), POV Natasha Romanov, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Endgame, Red Room (Marvel), SHIELD, Time Skips, Time Travel, Two steves
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-02-21 14:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18704401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Snowflake/pseuds/Captain_Snowflake
Summary: Creating branched timelines was a dangerous business, but if Steve were to create one by going into the past anyway, he could go all the way. After saving Bucky from Hydra, who said he couldn't save Nat as well? Sometimes love just needs a different dimension – in this case a branched timeline.After witnessing the death of his beloved Natasha, Steve goes back in time to the only other woman he ever loved. But that doesn't mean he's going to let Nat go. He vowed to keep his friends save and to protect this timeline from the horrors he had to experience. Love always comes unexpected and in different forms, especially when there are two Steves living in one timeline...





	1. A Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This fan fiction is my best try at fixing the ending of Endgame. If Steve were to go back in time like he did, he would do everything to make the new timeline a better one, cause if he sees a situation pointed south, he can't ignore it. And don't worry there will be Romanogers further down the line :D  
> I hope you guys enjoy it!

* * *

**Prologue: A Promise**

* * *

 

“Who’s that?” Peggy asked as Steve brushed his fingers over a drawing in his notebook.

He had kept the notebook when he went back in time to an alternate timeline. The memories drawn in the book were far to precious to leave behind. On this page he had drawn an absolutely stunning woman, hair in long flowing locks reaching over her shoulder blades. Her fist reached forward with electricity charging from her wrist. A look of pure determination was clearly visible in her eyes. In her emerald eyes. He remembered the exact color they were, a color this drawing so clearly lacked. The fiery red of her hair was another thing that his black-and-white creation missed. Truth be told, the woman didn’t even need the colors to shine, she was gorgeous nonetheless. No matter how you looked at it.

“She’s called the Black Widow. Strong, deadly, graceful and determined to reach her goals,” he needed to swallow before adding “No matter the cost.”

“She sounds like quite a woman,” his wife said. Her words were filled with admiration. Peggy always looked up to strong and independent women. Sometimes she seemed to forget that she was one herself.

“She was,” he agreed “But I just knew her as Natasha.” Just the name Black Widow seemed to sell her short, Natasha was so much more than that. Deep down under her emotionless facade, she was caring like no one he’d ever met before.

“Tell me about her.” The words were spoken as a question, certainly not a demand. Peggy never forced him to talk about his memories of the other timeline, though he never refused her requests. Sometimes talking about it was hard, his experiences hadn’t exactly been all roses. But not talking about it meant ignoring it – forgetting it. And he did not want to forget.

“I admired her,” he said sincerely “She was much more than just Black Widow. Above all, she had been my friend.” Well, she had been more than a friend to him. For some reason he didn’t want to tell Peggy that.

“What do you mean: she _had been_ your friend? She’s not anymore?” She asked confused. There was also a little concern in her voice.

“She…uhm…” Steve began, it was still so hard to talk about what happened, three years with Peggy didn’t change that. “She’s dead,” he finally said hoping the tears wouldn’t stream down his face, like the first time he had heard about Natasha’s sacrifice.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Peggy whispered as she took his hand in an effort to comfort him.

He held her hand firmly and allowed a tear to run down along his cheek. “She sacrificed herself, to save everyone.” He had never wanted to understand it, but he did. Natasha had always had feelings of guilt, for things she hadn’t even had some form of control over. Like it was her fault that she was taken and trained in the Red Room when she was just a mere child! He had always tried to convince her that she was in fact, a good person. It never reached her though, she always kept talking about that stupid ledger of hers.

But if there was one thing Steve was absolutely certain of, it was that her sacrifice had allowed her to live without a trace of guilt in the afterlife. He just knew, she was at peace in Heaven. And for that he was happy. However, that didn’t mean he was happy about what she had done. A person as selfless as her did in no goddamn way deserve to die. Knowing she was happy didn’t erase the wish that it would have been Clint instead of her. He felt guilty for that wish, but he couldn’t help it. He had loved her too much, to just let her go like that.

“Then she was brave until the very end,” Peggy said while looking him right in the eyes. Her free hand grasped his knee, running soothing circles over it with her thumb.

“Yeah. She was.” He sighed deeply. “I’ve never met anyone as selfless as her.”

Peggy retrieved her hands and stared into his eyes. “Why have you never talked about her before?” she asked. “You’ve talked about Bucky, Sam, Wanda and even Howard’s boy. Why not her?”

Steve had to swallow the lump in his throat, how could he tell his wife about the woman he had loved? He didn’t want to make Peggy feel like some sort of rebound, because Nat had died. Then it seemed to dawn on her. She always found a way to read his mind and this time was no different. “You loved her,” she stated. There was no judgement or anger in her voice whatsoever. She didn’t even have to ask, she knew.

“Peggy…” Steve began as he became filled with guilt. There was no use in denying there had been feelings, but it’s not like he and Natasha had actually begun a relationship.  “Nothing happened, we never–”

“It’s okay,” she assured him. “I know you love me. That’s all what matters.” Her words managed to put him at ease, like they always did. She had faith in him. “Honestly, I’d be more worried if you never had any feelings for a woman after me.” He chuckled and she laughed softly. “Besides I know you never bedded her,” she added cheekily to lighten the mood.

“What?” He asked embarrassed with flushed cheeks.

“Well, even if you hadn’t told me you were still a virgin, I would have known after our wedding night. I mean only a virgin would–”

“Okay I get it!” he interrupted, not liking were she was going with this. Of course he had been insecure, everyone was for their first time. Even though he was already 38 years old by that time.

Peggy laughed out loud, probably because of the embarrassment on his face. He rolled his eyes, but let out a soft chuckle afterwards. “Why didn’t you tell her?” she asked curiously.

“How are you so sure I didn’t?” He asked in return with a smirk on his face.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” she said playfully stern “Don’t try to fool me. You were still hopeless with women when you came here.” She grinned before continuing. “And if you had, you wouldn’t have been a virgin.”

“Well, maybe I just kissed her,” he replied continuing his teasing “My mother would scold me from up there, if I bedded a woman before marrying her. Never bed before you wed.” 

“You didn’t kiss her though,” she said playing along. Then she watched him thoroughly and gasped. “You did?” She smiled at him, amazed. Not jealous at all.

Steve blushed as he remembered their kiss on the escalator. Natasha had definitely taken him by surprise when she suggested kissing as a distraction method. “It was not what you think.” He chuckled a little at the bizarreness of the situation. “We were being followed and had to kiss to avoid getting caught.”

She laughed at that. “Oh Steve, you’re still so innocent. No woman suggests kissing as _just_ a distraction. She wanted to, and I can’t blame her.” Peggy smiled widely.

Steve could only stutter, not managing to get real words out. He didn’t even tell her that Natasha was the one who initiated the kiss, she had just assumed that. He started to wonder about Nat’s feelings. Deep down he had suspected she might have been interested in him, though he never knew for sure. He always waited for the right moment to come, then the decimation happened and they were both so broken afterwards that it hardly seemed the time for love. And before they could bring everybody back, she was gone. He had been too late. Again.

Returning the soul stone had been hard, knowing she died on that planet to obtain it. He had hoped she would be revived after he dropped the stone in the pit, but to no avail. When the fog cleared, he could no longer see the stone, only her dead body. The pool of blood was clearly visible around her. Even laying their on the ground, she was graceful, gorgeous. But she lacked Nat’s force of life. The picture of her lifeless body on the cold stones would haunt him forever. She would have wanted him to move on, so that’s what he did. He loved Peggy with all his heart, still that didn’t stop him from thinking about Natasha every single day. She had been his best friend above all.

“Well, how about instead of stuttering, you tell me all about what happened. I want to hear everything,” she said, eyes shining with curiosity.

And so they talked about Steves life the rest of the afternoon. Peggy was so interested in all of it, especially in Natasha. He talked about it all, from the Chitauri attack on New York, to the fall of Shield, to the Accords. All the things he was determined to stop from happening in this timeline. That didn’t have to be the future of this world –  he’d make sure it wouldn’t be.

Creating branched timelines was a dangerous business, but if he had created one by going into the past anyway, he could go all the way. He had already managed to secure Bucky from Hydra’s grip, so who said he couldn’t save Nat as well?

“I want to save her,” he said suddenly “Just like we saved Bucky.”

“We will…I promise” she said while giving him a hug.

After they broke apart she went into the kitchen, to cook them dinner. Steve reached for his notebook on the couch. They were going to save Nat from all the horrible things she had to endure as a child. He owed that to her. Because if he couldn’t protect her in his own timeline, he’d make sure she would be protected in this one.

Saving her would have to wait though, Natasha would not be born until the year of 1984 and it was only the year of 1948. Almost 40 years to wait, that would be a damn long time. He shot a last look at his drawing, before closing it. He couldn’t remember exactly how many times he had tried to sketch her in that scene. It was never good enough –  still wasn’t. No drawing could match the image in his memory of her letting him and Bucky go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was only the prologue, but there will be more to come! Also, this fic will be dealing with multiple time skips in the story, some rather large ones.  
> I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, feedback is appreciated!


	2. One Snowy Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> Thanks for reading this!  
> (This chapter is set in December 1991.)

* * *

 

“How much longer?” Michael asked while he shivered from the cold. He clutched his coat in an attempt to keep himself warm.

“ ‘Bout half an hour,” Bucky replied while steering to keep the truck on what was supposed to be a road. The road itself was barely visible as it was covered in deep layers of snow. “At least if our intel is right this time.” He rolled his eyes to Steve.

“It is,” Steve said “It has to be.” They had tried to track the Red Room for several years now, desperate to rescue little Natasha. She had told him she had started at five, that meant they were two years too late already.

“Good, I don’t think I’ll last much longer. Not with this freaking weather.” Michael got sympathetic looks from the other men. He hadn’t inherited the full extent of Steve’s serum, that also meant he got cold easier. Bucky’s serum worked especially well in keeping him warm, it was Hydra’s after all. While Hydra’s serum wasn’t as good as Steve’s overall, it had it’s little niches.

“Well, we’re in northern Siberia in the beginning of December. We’re lucky there’s no snowstorm.”

“Right. _Lucky_ ,” Michael said doubting it could get any worse.

“Great job, Steve,” Bucky said sarcastically. “Now you’ve jinxed us.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Buck. Look at the clouds, snowstorms don’t come out of nowhere.” Steve pointed upwards and Bucky followed his gaze up into the air, which caused the need for a really sharp turn as they almost missed the curve of the snowy road. They all fell to the left and for a moment one of the back wheels hung over a frozen lake, losing contact with the solid ground. “Instead of saying I jinxed us, perhaps you should focus on driving,” Steve teased with a grin on his face.

“No, that was clearly your fault.”

“Was it now?” He asked Bucky sarcastically

“Who’s finger caused a distraction? Not mine.” He laughed and Michael nodded in agreement. Steve hated it when his own son teamed up with Bucky against him.

About ten minutes later the wind became fiercer and snow started to fall. A storm was definitely coming and they all knew it. Bucky smirked and rolled his eyes to Steve.

“Don’t fucking say it,” he warned

“Told ya.” Bucky said with a wide grin. Steve huffed, pretending to be annoyed. “Might be a good thing, you’re not a weather forecaster.” They both laughed at that.

“Maybe you should keep your eyes on the road, uncle Buck. Or we will ride into a lake for real this time,” Michael said.

“Fair enough,” replied Bucky as he began to focus on driving again. It was a good thing he did, because the storm got worse. The wind howled and the snow blurred their vision. Luckily, their destination was getting closer by the minute. They were almost there as a fierce blow of the wind trapped their truck in a pile of snow. “Oh great,” muttered Bucky.

After failing to get the engine to start again, they decided to continue their trip on foot. The compound of the KGB’s Red Room was supposed to be close, based on their intel. Though no one could see a damn thing in the storm. Steve hoped furiously that she would be there, this wasn’t the first of their rescue missions, but he hoped it would be their last. Natasha had told him about her past several times, though he always felt like she left out the worst parts. He never pushed her to tell about it. It was quite rare for her to talk about it at all, so he was always happy to hear her out about the things she did want to share as she opened up to him. That had been a slow process, she had only let Clint in before that.

“I think I see something over there,” Bucky said, pulling Steve from his thoughts.

Steve sharpened his serum-enhanced eyes and saw it too. There was at least some kind of building there. Approaching the building, they came across a fence. It definitely looked like the compound they were looking for. They took cover behind a tree, observing the defenses. The storm could maybe aid them in breaking in unseen.

“I see machine guns on both of the watch towers,” Bucky observed.

“Can we take them out?” Steve asked. The fact that this compound was heavily guarded made him think that perhaps, they had finally found it, found her.

“We might,” he speculated “But they’ll notice. I’d say we better stay stealthy.”

“The storm could help us to stay undercover. If so, we might have a shot at breaking in unnoticed.” Bucky nodded at Steve in agreement. “Maybe it was good jinxing it after all,” Steve said smiling. It earned him a smile from his best friend as well.

“Can’t we just pose as innocent travelers looking for shelter from the storm and then take out the guards when they let us in?” Michael asked.

“I doubt, they’ll let us in”, Bucky said “Besides if we are going to pose as innocent travelers, we should speak Russian. Do you speak Russian?” He asked Michael. “I sure as hell don’t.”

“I thought you said you could,” Michael said confused

“Only a few words to impress the girl at our local bar.” Bucky smiled sheepishly.

“If only we had Google Translate.”

“What’s Google Translate?” Bucky and Michael asked in unison. Both very confused.

“Never mind, it’s a future thing,”

After observing the compounds defenses once again and discussing their options, they decided to take the stealthy approach. Michael took out his grappling gun and shot the hook to the top of the fence. Immediately after, the fence emitted an electrical shock, which caused him to drop his gun in the snow. Their heads shook up as an alarm went off, red lights flashed from both watchtowers.

“So much for the stealthy approach,” Bucky complained while he reached for his Stark-tech Rocket Launcher.

Steve threw his vibranium shield at the left tower, launching the guard on top of it backwards to fall into a thick pile of snow. He had made sure his trusted shield was repaired and painted black in Wakanda, before traveling back in time. As the shield of this timeline lay covered in the ice somewhere, along with himself of this timeline. It was weird knowing his other self was still buried under the ice somewhere, but they couldn’t find him. He had tried of course, though he didn’t allow himself to worry about it too much, he would be found in twenty years, at the end of 2011. At least if he hadn’t changed this timeline too much.

Bucky apparently switched over to not-stealthy-at-all as he completely obliterated the other tower by launching his missile. The whole thing crumbled to the ground after a loud explosion.

Steve gave his friend a look, as if asking _Was that really necessary?_  He grinned at that, pointing at the broken fence next to the decimated tower. “At least we have a way in.”

“Let’s go,” urged Michael.

The three of them ran over the broken fence like their life depended on it. and Steve picked up his beloved shield from a pile of snow. Reinforcements started to shoot at them from atop the roof. Bucky and Steve reached for their handguns and started firing back, while taking shelter from a tree. Michael let himself fall to the ground behind a small hill of snow and begin shooting at the five guards with his sniper rifle, taking down two in the process. Bucky hit one of them in his leg, which caused the man to fall off the roof. Steve managed to take out the other two.

The snow apparently broke the fall of the one guards, as he got up – leaning heavily on one leg – and started firing at Michael. Steve shielded his son from incoming bullets, while his best friend killed the distracted guard.

Michael shot his hook up to the roof. “No, that’s were their reinforcements appeared. It’s too dangerous,” Bucky said.

“So how do we get in then?” He asked in return

Before he could get an answer, Steve jumped through the window using his shield as a battering ram. “That’s how,” Bucky replied, after which they followed Steve inside the building.

For a moment everything was quite, but then they heard footsteps coming in their direction from the hallway. The three of them hid behind the corners waiting on the arrival of the nothing suspecting guards. When the men appeared in the corridor around the corner, they were easily ambushed by a black shield and some gunfire. They combated more guards on their way, but none of them were really a match for them. They won in gun-power due to their superior weapons, thanks Howard, and they were nearly unbeatable in hand-to-hand combat because they all had some form of serum.

On their road they came across some empty training rooms, some equipped with devices more fit for torture than training. Those poor girls had to endure so much. They had chosen to go at night, planning to just break in and go unnoticed while most would be asleep. That obviously failed when the alarm went off, no one could be awake after that. Reaching a dead end, they found a middle-aged woman with a gun pointed at her own throat. She shot herself before she could give them any information, apparently to proud to be taken hostage and live another day. As he came closer Steve recognized the woman, Madame B. Natasha had talked about and described her more than once and Steve just knew, without a doubt, that this was her. He looked at her in disgust, knowing who she was and what she had done or what she would have done if they hadn’t interfered.

“It’s a dead end,” Michael stated “Where could she be?”

“I don’t think it is,” Steve said which got him to confused looks after which he gestured to the woman lying dead on the ground. “Why would _she_ have been standing here, if this is a dead end?”

“You’re right, pal, there’s a button right here,” Bucky said while pushing said button. The button wasn’t very noticeable, hidden quite well in the wall, though the improved eyesight from the serum certainly helped him in finding it.

It activated a finger print panel, hidden in a secret hole in the wall that had only opened up after pressing the button. Bucky placed Madame B’s lifeless finger on the panel and the one wall appeared to be a door which opened up, revealing a room filled with little girls and some guards. They swiftly took out the guards by using their guns, because hand-to-hand combat – whilst maybe less frightening for the girls – involved more risk of actually harming some of them. And quite frankly, they would have gotten shot had they not gone for their guns.

Most of the girls hid behind their beds, one of them actually tried to reach for a gun before Bucky kicked it away, out of their reach. The little now-frightened blonde girl jumped back to her hiding spot behind the bed, shivering in fear. Then he noticed _her_. A small redhead staring from behind her bed, her emerald eyes filled with curiosity instead of fear. He knew without a doubt, this was her and he allowed himself to express relief seeing her after so many years. She was of course not the Natasha he knew, she was different yet so the same.

“Do they speak english?” Bucky asked, hoping for a reaction. None of them answered, but not because they couldn’t, they were just too afraid of what might happen. Natasha could speak so many languages, they would have to be taught those at such a young age, especially a language so common as English. Steve nodded to his friend in confirmation.

He walked to the bed where Natasha was standing and knelt in front of her, his gaze met the eyes of the little girl. They were about the same height as he knelt. The seven-year-old’s eyes followed his every move, curious what he would do. Not knowing an appropriate way to talk to her, he would begin by telling her his name. His real name. Not Joseph Wilson, which he had been using as his cover name. Steve Rogers was presumed dead for now and when the world would find out Peggy married him, a lot of questions would be raised when Captain America would be pulled out of the ice. Two Steves in one timeline? That wasn’t really believable.

He sighed. “My name is Steve–” he began gesturing to himself as he spoke.

“You’re Captain America,” she interrupted him pointing at his shield. Most of the girls gasped at the revelation, they obviously knew of Captain America, the war hero, an enemy of Hydra. Hydra had strong ties to the Russian KGB so they would probably view him as an enemy as well. He had grown a beard and painted his shield black in order to keep up with his secret identity. But in all honesty he had to admit to himself, who the hell uses a shield nowadays anyway?

Natasha in sharp contrast to most of the little girls did not look startled at all, her eyes shone up at him, almost like admiration. “I am,” he confirmed “Though my real name is Steve, Steve Rogers. Will you tell me yours?” He smiled at her, attempting to put her at ease.

She paused looking like she doubted whether to tell him or not. “Natalia,” the girl eventually whispered.

For some reason that took him by surprise, nobody ever addressed her as Natalia, it was always Romanoff, Natasha, Nat or even Tasha. He knew that was her real name, _Natalia Alianovna Romanova_. “Well, Natalia, do you want to get away from this place?”

“I… I don’t know,” she told him hesitantly “They care for me here. But they… they–” Then she suddenly stopped talking, Steve could only think that she was prohibited to exclaim any sort of negativity over their treatment. They probably manipulated the poor girls into thinking that they were treated well, when in reality it came closer to torture.

“Do they hurt you here?” He asked with as much compassion in his voice as possible. The little girl could only nod, tears glowing in her eyes. He wanted to hug her right then and there, but she was too broken for that, it would only scare her away. “You know who I am… I could protect you, Natalia.”

He reached out his hand. She hesitated. “Where will you go?” she asked uncertainly.

“Somewhere safe,” he said after which he paused for a little while. “America,…would you like to come with me?”

He smiled at her, trying to show that he bore her no ill will. The corners of her mouth tugged up into a careful little smile as she took his hand.

“What about the others?” Michael asked. “We can’t take them all with us.”

“Maybe an orphanage?” Bucky suggested.

“Anything’s better than here,” Steve told them.

They waited until the storm calmed down and called in Shield to bring in trucks. After handing over all the soon-to-be orphans to their childcare department – to bring them to a safe place, a home – they took off in a helicopter. Natasha looked nervous and exited at the same time when she heard they would go flying. “It’s okay to be a little scared.” He told the little girl.

“I’m not,” she replied more confidently than before.

The first minute of their take-off or so, she did look a little scared, but after that she was enjoying herself. Then it dawned on him he hadn’t introduced her to Bucky and Michael yet. “This is my son, Michael Carter,” he said gesturing to Michael who mouthed a _hello_. Both Michael and his daughter Edith carried Peggy’s last name, because they couldn’t name them Rogers and they sure as hell weren’t naming them Wilson. Natasha looked a little bit confused, probably wondering how Steve could possibly the father of a grown man like Michael. The serum made him look so much younger, he was already past 80 but he didn’t look a day over 45.

“And this is James,” Bucky said gesturing to himself with a smile. Natasha carefully smiled back at him.

“You know if we’re going to America,” Steve began as he looked to her. “You might as well use an American name.” She looked at him, with both amazement and curiosity in her eyes. “How about Natasha?”

She smiled at that. “I like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the second chapter, thanks for reading. I hope you all enjoyed it!  
> Let me know what you think of it, that might serve as an inspiration for later chapters!  
> (PS: Don’t worry Steve’s not a pedophile in this story)


	3. A New Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This will be a series of snapshots, I hope you'll enjoy them. Thanks for reading this!  
> 

**December 16 th 1991**

“I’m just glad you’re safe,” Steve said to the man on the phone.

“Of course Captain, thanks to you,” he replied. “Hydra’s all gone.”

“I really hope so.” He could hear the doubt in his own voice. Were they really all gone? _Cut of one head, two more shall take it’s place_ , that had been a saying of Hydra which haunted him to this day. What if Hydra was corrupting Shield again? How could he be sure they weren’t?

“Keep an eye on Tony for me, will you?” That pulled him from his thoughts, sometimes he was just a little paranoid about thinks like Hydra.

“I will,” he paused. “Oh and Howard, enjoy your vacation,” he added before hangin up, because his time was up. He had only paid for one minute, damn these phone cells. He exited the cell and joined his son and Natasha, who were sheltering from the pouring rain under an umbrella. The weather was horrible but he couldn’t care less at the moment. Howard had safely made it to the airport. He was alive.

The three of them got in his car, to finally go home. The trip from Russia had been a long one, the helicopter had brought them to a Russian airport after which they flew all the way to New York. As soon as they were driving, Natasha fell asleep in the passenger seat next to him. She had all but demanded the right to sit in front, while poor Michael had to sit in the back.

Later that day they arrived at his house. It was already 11:00 pm so Peggy was already back from work. He had called her at the Russian airport, so she knew that they had found Natasha. She seemed genuinely happy when hearing the news. Natasha stood on her toes to reach the doorbell and moments later the door opened. He embraced Peggy and gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head. Than he allowed her to meet Natasha for the first time.

Peggy got on one knee, quite easily for a seventy-year-old he might add. “Hello darling,” she greeted. “It’s Natasha, isn’t it?” She smiled at the little redhead, who could only nod cautiously.

Then Natasha took his hand and he led her inside, while he gave Michael a chance to greet his mother. He’d stay here for the night. After showing her around, Steve tucked her in, in Edith’s old bed. “It’s so soft,” she whispered while grasping the material of her blanket.

He chuckled a little. “What do think of my house? Do you like it?” He wanted her to at least feel somewhat more comfortable than she had felt in the Red Room.

Ignoring his question she asked “Is she really your wife?”. Before he had the chance to confirm that she added “She looks like she could be your mother.”

Yup, this was definitely Natasha. He smiled because of it. “You know… The serum slows down my aging. She wasn’t always this old.” He laughed a bit.

“Can I really stay here?” She suddenly asked seeming to doubt it. Like she was afraid to be thrown out of the house after a few days.

“If thats what you want,” he told her sweetly.

She smiled at him. “I want to.”

 

“So… You really want to raise her?” Peggy asked as he came down and entered the living room. He couldn’t really decipher the emotion in Peggy’s voice. Was it uncertainty? Concern? Compassion, perhaps?

“She’s just a child, Peg.”

“Precisely, she’s _just_ a child. I’m too old for that, Steve. And I’m not quitting my job to take care of her.” It was voiced out of concern, not anger, but he wasn’t backing down. He wouldn’t bring her to an orphanage, not after all she had to go through.

“No one’s asking you to,” he said calmly. “I just… I need to protect her. I owe that to her.” He had failed her in their timeline, he was not going to fail her in this one. “I can take care of her. You don’t have to.”

Peggy sighed. “Okay,” she complied with him. “As long as you know what you’re doing.”

He knew that, he had raised two children before, both without any major problems. Granted, Peggy helped him with it, and they had never been physically or emotionally tortured, but in all honesty what could go wrong?

 

* * *

 

**December 25 th, 1991**

When Steve walked into the living room on Christmas morning, he was half-expecting Natasha to be waiting by the tree, like Michael and Edith had always done. But she wasn’t there. Could he really be surprised? She wasn’t exactly an early bird, well his timeline’s Natasha hadn’t been one anyway.

He walked up to her room and opened the door. The room had received quite the makeover in the week-or-so that she had stayed here. All pink was thrown out, in favor of red and black. They had taken out all jewelry and make-up, because she couldn’t care less about those things at her age. The only thing she really wanted in her room was a little cd-player with which she could practice ballet on her favorite songs. They had agreed that she could go practice ballet at school after the holidays, but she missed it so much that she was already practicing by herself.

She squinted her eyes as light filled the room and let out a yawn. “Steve?” she whispered questionably while she sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes. She probably wondered what he was doing in her room this early.

“Hey, Nat,” he said. He was calling her Nat already, it had been years before his timeline’s Natasha allowed him to do so. “It’s Christmas.”

“Oh, is that today?” she asked tiredly. She yawned again before throwing the blanket off her feet and stepping out of her bed. After that she went to brush her teeth and she later joined him in front of the Christmas tree.

“What are those strange boxes under the tree?” Steve couldn’t believe his ears, had she never gotten any presents before? It shouldn’t have surprised him, he had learned that she had in fact been at the Red Room for as long as she could remember, but they ‘only’ started training at five. While they did not train the girls before, that did in no way mean the girls were treated well. Presents weren’t something one got at the Red Room.

“Those are called _presents._ They are like gifts. You give them to someone else,” he explained. She gasped at him with amazement clearly visible in her eyes.

“Is there one for me?” she asked excitedly. He nodded and smiled at her. Then he saw the brightest smile he had ever seen from her. The same smile his Natasha had as she met up with him for the first time in months after the Accords. God, he loved that smile.

All of their family had arrived in the next hour. Michael, Edith and her husband, their three little boys, Bucky, who was practically a part of the family, and even Peggy’s nephew John, his wife and their little 6-year-old daughter, Sharon. When Sharon had been born it was, well, awkward for him. He had kissed the Sharon of his timeline, though he never explained that to his wife, for obvious reasons.

Together they made it a very enjoyable day. Natasha was especially happy when she received her present. He had given her a completely new ballet outfit, shoes and all. She could only gasp and afterwards she ran into his arms, giving him a tight embrace. That was a first.

In the few days he had actually known this Natasha, she had already opened up a lot to him. Way faster than his timeline’s Natasha had. She was however still wary of the most of their guests, mostly clinging to him during the day. She was somewhat comfortable around Bucky and Michael and she became closer with Peggy by the day. But she didn’t seem to trust the rest of them. After bugging Natasha for like an hour, Sharon gave up and went to play with her cousins. His timeline’s Natasha hadn’t been very fond of Sharon either, though perhaps for different reasons.

After their delicious dinner, when all their family had gone home, he tucked Natasha in. “Did you have fun today?”

She nodded contently. “I loved the gift, Steve.” She smiled at him which made him smile widely as well. “Though that Sharon was a little pain in the butt.”

He chuckled at that. Poor Sharon had only wanted to play with her, but he found the situation quite amusing regardless. He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. “Good night.” She stared up at him, surprised, but pleased.

He turned of the light and went downstairs to spend the rest of the evening discussing the day with his wife.

 

* * *

 

**January 9 th, 1992**

On Natasha’s fourth day of school, Steve was called to the principals office. His adopted daughter had apparently mutilated some boy in her class. _Oh God_ was the first thought that appeared in his head. She hadn’t even gone to school for a full week and she already had a major incident. This Natasha was a little trouble maker, perhaps even more than the one he’d known before.

As Steve went into the office, he saw he was the last one to arrive. A tall woman tried to comfort her black haired chubby boy with his arm in a brace, who has crying his eyes out. On the other side of the table sat an annoyed Natasha with crossed arms. The principal, a bald middle-aged man with glasses, sat at the head of the table. Steve gave the crying boy a sympathetic look and went to sit alongside his daughter. He wasn’t angry at her, not yet anyway. He would first have to hear the entire story before judging anyone.

“Mr. Wilson?” The principal asked as he held out his hand. Steve nodded and shook his hand. “Gary Davidson,” he introduced himself.

“Joseph Wislon, It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he answered politely.

“The pleasure is mine,” the man said enthusiastically “I heard you’ve served in the 107th, alongside my very own father, I might add. And you’re one of SHIELDs founders! I feel so much safer knowing you’re out there to protect us.”

“Kind off ironic, don’t you think?” began the mother of the boy, clearly not pleased by the principal going off subject. “SHIELD was founded to keep us safe. And yet, a daughter of one of its founders corrupts a safe classroom environment.” Her voice was bitter and this was a low blow.

“Let’s first hear the story,” Steve all but spat out to her, not liking her tone in the slightest. Who did she think she was? Insulting SHIELD like that, and more importantly insulting Natasha like that.

“Ah yes, well you see, your daughter twisted this poor boy’s arm after he insulted–”

“She mutilated him!” the woman shouted not waiting for the principal to finish his story.

“She broke my arm!” the boy sobbed after which his mother shushed him.

“You called me a ‘filthy little Russian redhead’!” Natasha shouted back at him. Steve felt his blood boiling, but before he got the chance to speak up, the boy began shouting his denial.

“I did not!”

“Shush, darling. You’re right,” the mother said after which she addressed the others “My little Billy wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

“I’m afraid he did say that, Mrs Pool. Their teacher witnessed what happened.” The principal explained. “However, that doesn’t mean she was justified to break his arm.”

‘I understand that, Mr Davidson,” said Steve calmly, though he couldn’t really bring himself to fault his daughter for it. The boy had gotten what he deserved, although a broken arm might be somewhat to harsh.

Natasha clearly didn’t agree with that. “I warned him like three times and he still didn’t stop!”

“Keep your little Russian mouth,” said the woman through gritted teeth. Steve couldn’t believe the woman actually dared to say such a thing.

“Hey, there’s no need to speak to her like that,” he said way calmer than how he was feeling. He wanted to shout at her, but that wouldn’t solve it. If anything that would make it worse. One of them had to be the adult and this angry woman clearly wasn’t.

The woman scoffed at him while the principal tried his best to solve the situation. “I think both of your children were in the wrong, he shouldn’t insult her and she shouldn’t react so aggressively.”

In the end both children got detention, Natasha for a whole month while Billy only got one week, as his mother called the principal out for prejudice when he offered them the same punishment. He gave in way to easily and even though Steve felt it was wrong, he didn’t really argue with it, because he was sick of being in the same room as this entitled mother.

 

“You’re mad at me aren’t you?”  Natasha aked sadly as she and Steve walked out of the office.

“Are you okay?” he asked in return. She nodded silently after which he continued. “Billy is a bully, he shouldn’t insult you.”

She smiled a little. “So you’re not mad?”

“Well, breaking his arm was a bit harsh, Nat.” He chuckled. “But it was worth seeing his mother getting so worked up.”

“I know it wasn’t right, but it felt good,” she said. “We fought every day back there. I miss it.” He could imagine that, nothing was quite like fighting. To be honest, he liked to fight, and so did she apparently.

“You could just do a fighting sport, you know.” Her eyes shot up at him, eagerly waiting for him to continue. “Karate or something like that.”

“Can I?” she asked hopefully.

“Of course,” he promised her while giving her a sincere smile.

“Thanks, dad.” She smiled up at him.

Steve felt a whole bundle of emotions, all at once. Adoration, shock, love but above all he felt happiness in every inch of his body. It was the first time she called him _dad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the third chapter, thanks for reading. I hope you all enjoyed it!  
> Let me know what you think of it, that might serve as an inspiration for later chapters!


	4. Destiny And Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place five years later than the previous chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it!

**April 19 th, 1997**

The clock ticked away and Steve was filled with fear as he and Natasha were waiting in the hospital. Peggy had been hit by a grenade. She’d lost so much blood, after a shrapnel carved its way into her arm.

“Uhm Mr. Wilson?” A nurse approached him. “If you’d please come with me, sir.”

“Okay,” he replied with a nod, after which he turned to Natasha. “Wait here for me.”

Steve followed the nurse to her office and took a seat. What was going on? Was Peggy in critical condition? The Peggy in his timeline had lived till 2016, was she dying now? Had he perhaps changed this timeline too much? The nurse interrupted his dreading thoughts as she spoke.

“While we were checking for your daughter’s blood-type, which you opted for transfusion, we came across something.”

Steve tried to remain calm, but he really couldn’t. First his wife had been hit, and now this. “What… what did you find?” he stammered.

“It’s something we’ve never seen before, something artificial. She has more than twice as much white blood cells as average, and they all seem to function way more effectively.”

He couldn’t really focus on what she was telling him, as he became struck with paranoia. He couldn’t lose Nat, not again. She was only twelve!. He put his hands in front of his mouth and let out a gasp. “Oh God. No”

“Sir?” she asked. “We don’t think it’s harmful, quite the opposite really. Though we advise you to check it out. We could be wrong.” The words allowed him to feel a bit of hope. It probably wasn’t bad, but what could it be? He could only slowly nod. “Her blood type is O negative, which could be used for your wife. But we fear what it may cause, because of what we’ve found.”

“I understand,” he said regaining his calm. His own blood type was O positive, but they couldn’t risk that either because of his serum. Luckily Peggy’s nephew, could donate some of his blood later that afternoon.

When he came out of the office, Natasha stared at him. Worry in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“They… they’ve found something in your blood. We’re going to test it further, but they don’t think it’s harmful in any way.” He saw the fear in her eyes, as he spoke the words.

As they walked to a different wing of the hospital for the blood analysis, she swallowed. “In the Red Room, they injected me with something. A serum of some kind, like yours.”

“They didn’t, tell me they didn’t,” Steve said to her with clear empathy in his voice. How could they? Injecting such things in girls so young. He never though he could hate the Red Room more than he already did, but he was wrong.

“They weren’t sure if it would work. They were still in the experimental phase and we were the experiments.” And he was wrong again. They injected a serum which could’ve been incredibly dangerous, in little girls, without a second thought. He knew the Natasha of his timeline had a serum, not quite as strong as his. However, he never thought she’d gotten it _that_ young. “I always hoped it wouldn’t work. I don’t want anything to do with them. They made a monster.”

“Natasha, listen to me,” he commanded. “Don’t ever call yourself a monster. What they did to you, it wasn’t your fault. It never will be. They were the ones who robbed you of a normal childhood, you had no say in the matter.” God, he hoped he could convince this Natasha. Trying to convince the other Natasha was one of the few failures of his life after he’d gotten the serum.

“I know, but I still did it. I… I,” tears started to appear in her eyes as she tried to speak. “I killed some of those girls.” He was shocked but he didn’t interrupt her. She was a good person, she always has been. “Orphan girls, kept there against their will, just like me, and I killed them. They commanded me to. Every time I won a duel, when my opponent begged me to stop, they ordered me to finish it. _Black Widow is no fitting title for a coward. Black Widow is no fitting title for someone who refuses orders._ It was always them, or me. And I chose me, every single time.”

He was hugging her before she could go any further. While she was sobbing against his chest, he kissed the top of her head, shushed her, and wiped the tears from his eyes. “You never wanted to kill them, you had no choice.”

“But I had a choice dad,” she argued. “I chose my own life, time and time again. I was always too afraid to die.”

He pulled her close again. “You’re the bravest person I’ve ever known, Nat.” After all, she had been the one to sacrifice herself, so billions of others could live.

 

 

As they already suspected, it was some sort of serum. Fortunately, it wasn’t harmful in any way. However, among the traces of it, the doctors found something which – according to their theory – was supposed to make her more subjective to orders. So in combination with experimenting on mere children, they also took their free will. The doctors said that Natasha was ‘luckily’ mostly resistant to that part of the serum. Though Steve wouldn’t call anyone with such a messed up childhood _lucky_. It was a small convenience among all the horrors she had to endure.

“I think I should quit karate,” Natasha suddenly said as they were driving home after they had heard that Peggy’s condition had become stable.

“Why would you do that?” he asked curiously. She’d won the karate youth world cup two months ago. He had been beyond proud of her, the same goes for Peggy. And Natasha, she seemed to cherish every moment of that experience, why on earth would she now suddenly leave all of that behind?

“It just wouldn’t be fair. Now I know why I was better than everyone else. It’s the serum.”

“Natasha,” Steve began. “It’s not just about the serum, you know that. Sure, it might have helped. But you have more skill than anyone. You’d always be good at karate, even without the serum.”

“It still wouldn’t be fair. Those other kids, they don’t have what I have. It’s like using drugs to enhance my performance.” He could hear the sadness in her voice. Quitting karate wasn’t something she wanted. It was something she felt was necessary.

“You didn’t choose to get injected. Don’t compare this to doping. I know karate makes you happy.”

“Yeah,” she said with disappointment evident in her voice. “But quitting is the right thing to do. You’re Captain America, you’re supposed to understand that it wouldn’t be fair.”

Damn, he wasn’t expecting her to use his identity against him. She was right off course, quitting was morally right. “I’m not stopping you. I just want to know you’re sure about what you’re giving up to do it.”

“I just feel like it’s the right thing to do. I want to be better, better than what they’ve made me.” And here she was, bringing her past up again, like she always did. No matter how much he tried to convince her, she always believed she was somehow to fault for all what happened to her. “Besides, I still have ballet.” She smiled again and with that Steve knew quitting was what she really needed to do.

He smiled back at her. She still had ballet. That was also something she was just so amazing at. He had been to every single performance of her to this day. He knew his timeline’s Natasha used to do ballet, but he’d never actually seen her do it. Seeing her float around the floor was just mesmerizing and that made him regret never seeing the other dance.

“Dad?” she suddenly asked.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Could I join SHIELD?” Her eyes followed his every move, probably trying to read his expression. That was something she was rapidly getting better at.

“Well, yes. I mean, I think so, let’s first wait what your mother has to say about it. We’ll call her when she feels better. In any case, they have a youth program at SHIELD, I believe.”

“Am I old enough for that?” she asked hopefully.

“I heard the youth program starts in seventh grade. So you could go there after the summer holidays. Though, the bar for acceptance is apparently quite high. You’d have to pass all sorts of physical tests.”

“You don’t think I’m up for that?” she asked cheekily, which she did increasingly often. 

He chuckled. “I think you have a tiny, really tiny chance at making it.” He said sarcastically, using two fingers to illustrate how tiny of a chance. “So, why would you want to join SHIELD?”

“I don’t know. I think… It’s just that you and mother, you’re like the major founders of SHIELD and it seems exactly like the place where I can put my skills to good use.” She was so sincere. How could he ever refuse letting her join? Natasha was always meant to end up with SHIELD it seems, one way or another. He found it funny that changing Natasha’s past didn’t change her destination. This was fate. Destiny. As long as destiny didn’t include her jumping off a cliff in sacrifice, he was fine with it.

“I think you’ll like it there,” he said sincerely. “Though I’m not a founder of SHIELD, Joseph Wilson is.” She laughed at that and he had to let out a soft chuckle, at his own joke.

“Why don’t you just admit to the world who you really are?” There was no judgement in her tone, just curiosity. It wasn’t the first time she’d asked this, still he could never give her the real reason why. Hence, why she kept asking.

“We’ve talked about this, Nat. You know I can’t.”

“Why not?” she pushed. “The whole world thinks you just sank in the ice along with the Valkyrie. Why not tell everyone the truth of your survival? Do you think you’re less of a hero because you survived?” she all but shouted at the end.

“I didn’t like the fame that came with it. I just wanted to live a quite life.” That wasn’t the real reason off course, but he had to give her something.

“That’s what you always tell me. But I’ve seen the movies, they showed you to us in the Red Room. They showed footage of you in action but they also showed your theater shows with your tight pants. You didn’t seem to mind the fame that came with it, so why would you now? I’m not buying it.” She crossed her arms, practically signaling she wanted the _real_ reason.

“You really are too smart for your own good. Has anybody told you that?” He said evading her earlier question.

“Yeah, _you_. Like a million times.” She still asked the question with her eyes and he felt he wasn’t going to get away with his excuse this time.

“Sometime, when you’re older, I’ll tell you why.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It is,” he said. “I promise.”

 

 

Later that evening they called Peggy, who was already doing so much better after the blood transfusion. Natasha dialed the number of the hospital and Steve listened carefully afterwards.

“Hey mom, how are you?” she asked politely. He couldn’t hear Peggy’s response because it was a conversation on the phone.

-

“Oh that’s good.” Based on that all was well concerning his wife's health.

-

“Yeah, we’re fine as well.”

-

“Hey uhm mom can I ask you something?” she asked somewhat nervously.

-

“I just wondered if you’d be okay with me enrolling in the SHIELD youth program.” The words were spoken as a question.

-

“Really? Thank you mother!” she practically screamed.

-

“Yeah, I know right. I’m really looking forward to it.”

-

“Uh huh yeah I”ll give it to him. Good night, mother.”

With that she handed the phone over to him and he gave her a good night’s kiss on her forehead, where after she went upstairs. “So, how are you doing Peg?”

“I’m fine Steve, really I’m a tough one to kill. I think I’m doing pretty good for a 76 year old woman, all things considered.”

He let out a soft laugh. “I’m glad you are.”

“I think I’m going to quit SHIELD,” she suddenly said on a way more serious note. “I’m getting too old for it, I should’ve noticed that grenade earlier. It was sloppy of me.”

He could still hear the doubt in her voice and he just knew she felt guilty for leaving. “No one’s gonna blame you for leaving, Peggy. You’ve done more than enough for SHIELD.”

She sighed with satisfaction. “I have,” she agreed. “Besides Joseph Wilson will still be there to watch over our little girl.”

“She asked me about it again, on the way home today.”

“When are you going to tell her? You always say ‘later when she’s older’, but when is she old enough?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed. It seemed so hard to tell Natasha. How did one bring something like that? Like _Hey Nat by the way I’m from the future and I knew you , I loved you, but you died?_ That wouldn’t do.

“16,” Peggy said.

“What’s that?” he asked confused.

“You’ll tell her when she turns 16.”

“Peggy…” he began.

“No,” she interrupted him. “You’re only sparing yourself, you’ll have to tell her eventually. Swear it to me. Swear to me, that you’ll tell her when she turns 16. Swear it on Natasha,” she demanded.

He let out a heavy sigh. Peggy was right. Natasha deserved to know the truth, he had promised it her too. He wasn’t going to back away this time. “I swear.”

And so while Peggy quit, an enthusiastic Natasha joined SHIELD after the holidays. Steve was dreading the day when he would have to tell her the truth, all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!


	5. A New Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> I know I've a very busy week coming up, so I did my best to give you all some more content before probably not uploading for like more than a week. This is a little shorter than the previous chapters, but I'll hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless. I certainly had a lot of fun writing this one! :)

**September 3 rd, 1997**

“Are you ready?” her father asked while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“A bit nervous,” Natasha replied honestly.

“Hey, there’s no need to be.” He gave a last comforting squeeze in her shoulders and she stood on her toes to give him a tight hug before she left.

“Don’t you worry,” Michael said encouragingly. “You’ve won the karate youth world cup, there’s no way you’re going to fail the tests.” She smiled at that, he was right. She could do this.

“Bye dad,” she said as she and Michael walked outside to his car. She waved to her father one more time, before stepping in the car.

“So... were you nervous?” she asked Michael while fastening her seatbelt.

“You mean for my test for SHIELD?” She nodded. “I was shaking.” He said while firing up the engine of the car.

“Wow, that’s encouraging,” she replied sarcastically as she rested her feet on the dash.

“Well, it’s the truth. I had a lot to live up to. Both of our parents were some of the most important people in all of SHIELD back then. I wanted to make them proud, you know.”

“Me too.” There was nothing she wanted more than that, a proud look on his face.

“You’ll make them proud. You’re a better fighter than I have ever been. And take your feet of the dash, young lady,” he said with a smile on his face.

She rolled her eyes at that. “You weren’t bad either. You have the serum, Michael.”

“Some of it,” he corrected her. “Not nearly as strong as his. Besides I thought you had some sort of serum too.”

She didn’t want to talk about her serum. That was something she disliked about herself, an everyday reminder that the Red Room still had so much influence over her. A reminder that they were never really gone. “His serum is getting weaker.”

“You think so?” Michael asked kind of doubting it.

Natasha nodded at him and smirked. “I think I saw a couple of grey hears yesterday.”

He laughed at that and she couldn’t help but join in. “Well I suppose he isn’t that young anymore.”

“He’s like almost 80 years old,” she said, still laughing.

“Something like that.” Michaels tone sounded weird for a moment, but she didn’t allow herself to worry about it too much. There were more important things to focus on today.

It went silent after that, she could only her the song playing on the radio and the birds chirping outside. It was still so early, _too_ early. She wasn’t exactly an early bird, never had been. After a minute or so their silence became somewhat uncomfortable, so she opened her mouth. “How about you? Is all going well?”

“At SHIELD? Or do you mean like my personal life?” She had meant at SHIELD, but then she realized she’d so much rather hear about his personal life. It had been too long, since she’d last seen him.

“Like your personal life.”

“Oh uhm… Good, I think.” His tone sounded nervous in a way, and being the little annoying sister that she was, she decided to push.

“You _think_ so?” She felt the corners of her mouth pull up in a smirk. “Have you finally found someone?” She saw him blush, he had always been single. At least all the time she’d known him. Uncle James had sometimes teased him about a girlfriend of his in ninth grade, apparently the only girl he’d ever gotten. Their older sister Edith was already married and she was the mother of three boys and a girl, who was born last year. So naturally that meant Michael was always the target of some teasing. Not like uncle James could say something about it, he didn’t manage to keep a relationship for longer than a week.

“Something like that,” he smiled with flushed cheeks. “We went on our first day about a month ago. He was almost as nervous as me. But I really like him. It’s working.” He sighed lovingly. “You know, I never believed in it before but maybe true love exists after all.”

”What’s his name?”

”William.” She could she the love shining true his eyes.

“I’m so happy for you,” Natasha said sincerely with a huge smile on her face. Seeing her brother so happy, made her happy. “I just wish you could be open about it. You deserve that.”

”You’re the sweetest sister ever, you know that?” He said with adoration.

”Better not tell that to Edith,” Natasha smirked.

“I haven’t told her yet, none of it. She doesn’t know.”

Natasha wanted to comfort him. “I’m sure she’d be thrilled. She loves you Michael. She’d be happy knowing you found love, no matter what gender.” 

“I think so too,” he agreed after which he looked at her — or more accuratelly — through her. He put his arm on her knee. “You’ll find someone like that, someday too. I know you will.” She could only hope so, she would never be as pure as him and if she couldn’t even really love herself, who would love her?

 

About ten minutes later Michael brought her to some sort of training hall. There were already a lot of children gathered there. Some of them seemed to be a few years older than her. That wasn’t that weird off course, she was applying at the minimum age. SHIELD offered children the possibility to try multiple times, even after they failed the first time or when they had to drop out during the year for whatever reason. You could always try again, _a second chance_ , she liked that about SHIELD.

“Wow, you’re lucky that your father works here,” a boy said to her suddenly, she followed his gaze to Michael. “He must know his way around here. Me and my ma got kinda lost.”

Natasha stared in confusion at the black haired boy in front of her, he was even smaller than she was and appeared even more nervous. “He’s not my father,” she laughed a bit about the fact that this wasn’t even the first time that someone had made that assumption. “That’s my brother, Michael.”

Now it was his turn to be confused, he shot one more look at Michael, who disappeared in the crowd of people. Her brother had work to do. “But… But he’s like 35 at least!” the boy all but shouted in disbelief.

“He’s 43,” she corrected him after which his mouth fell open. “I know. It’s complicated, I’m adopted.”

“Oh,” he said “Yeah, that makes sense.” She could see in his face that it didn’t make sense at all to him but she chose to ignore the issue. “What’s your name?” he asked.

She had always gone by Natasha Carter since she lived here, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him that. She’d probably get loads of attention if she were to reveal she was related to the legendary Margaret Carter. Though some part of her wanted to tell it to the boy, somehow she vaguely trusted him. “You’ll have to promise not to tell everyone. Can you do that?” He nodded hesitantly but truly. “I’m Natasha… Natasha Carter.”

He gasped in awe. “Like your family to the Margaret Carter?”

“Shh not so loud! Not everybody needs to know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah it’s okay. What’s your name anyway?”

“I’m Jordan Blake, nice to meet you!” He held out his hand and she shook it firmly.

Than they heard a loud voice through the speakers of the hall. “Is this thing on?... Oh shit it is… Attention ladies and gentlemen. I am Phil Coulson and I’ll be guiding you all throughout this first week.”

Natasha looked were exactly the man was speaking from but then she saw Jordan point to a stage further down the hall. Mr. Coulson continued. “In this week you’ll be doing all sorts of tests, physical and mental ones, to see if you’ve got what it takes to become a SHIELD agent. After this week we’ll decide who gets through this selection, but I can warn you, it won’t be easy. This sort of thing isn’t for the faint-hearted. The first thing you need to do, is register yourself. This will be your final chance to change your name. Once registered, it can’t be undone. So be careful for spelling mistakes.”

They could change their names? Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to do so. Not calling herself Natasha Carter would certainly spare her a lot of attention.

“If you’d all get in line so we can begin with registration,” Mr. Coulson said in his microphone.

That’s what she and Jordan did. “Are you going to change your name?” she asked.

“No, off course not. Why would I?” Jordan replied. “Are you?”

“I don’t know. I’m thinking about it. Maybe I’ll just use my father’s last name.” Natasha Wilson, that’d be certainly better than Natasha Carter. Or she could call herself Rogers. _Natasha Rogers_ , that had a nice ring to it. Though, who knows if her father just told everybody who he really was, maybe she could indeed live by that name.

“What’s your name?” The lady behind the counter asked a girl who was standing in front of her.

“Morse, Bobbi,” the blonde girl said. “May 6, 1983.”

“Is this your first time applying?”

“Second time, ma’am,” Bobbi said. So she probably hadn’t made it in last year.

“I hope I’ll make it in, the first time.” Jordan suddenly said to her in a nervous manner.

“Yeah, me too.” Then she saw another blonde. Someone who she already knew, standing in the line next to them. Freaking Sharon Carter, who’d probably revel in the fame of using her last name. She’d enjoy all the attention coming her way.

But she surprised Natasha as she said: “Simons, Sharon. May 12, 1985.” Clearly Sharon didn’t want to deal with the fame either, unlike Natasha thought she would. Maybe Sharon wasn't as bad as Natasha thought she was.

Jordan poked her with his elbow, because she stood still and was blocking the whole line behind her. Natasha took a few steps forward and there was only one girl left, standing in front of them. “Hill, Maria. April 4, 1982.”

“Is this your third time applying?” the woman behind the counter asked the girl in front of them.

The girl swallowed. “It is. I mean… yes ma’am.”

“Remember third time is the last time,” the woman said, not really in an encouraging manner.

“Yes, ma’am.” Maria said again before stepping out of the line, so that Natasha was the one in front of the counter.

“What’s your name?” The woman asked after sighing tiredly as Natasha forgot that she had to say something.

“Natasha…” she said hesitantly, not knowing what to choose as her last name.

“Is that your last name, Natasha?” the woman said mockingly. “Last name first, girl.”

She felt the urge to hit the woman, she was just nervous and she didn't deserve to be mocked like this. Luckily, she could keep it cool, hitting the woman wouldn’t give a nice first impression.

“Last name?” The woman asked, clearly annoyed at her job. This was the moment, she had to choose. If she were to go for Carter, she’d have to deal with all the fame that would inevitably come with it. If she were to go for Wilson, she’d use a fake name – something she faulted her father for doing. If she were to go for Rogers, she’d inevitably out her father’s secret identity someday. She’d love to be Natasha Rogers, but was that worth it? Her father had to out himself, she couldn't do that for him, could she?

When the woman made one more irritated sound, Natasha made up her mind. “Romanoff, Natasha. November 22, 1984.” No more hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like Natasha's POV? Let me know what you guys think! Thanks for reading!


	6. Selection Week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> I managed to complete one more chapter before my busy week begins. This will be a slightly longer one to make up for the previous one :).  
> I hope you'll enjoy it!

**September 3 rd, 1997**

“Romanoff, Natasha. November 22, 1984.” No more hiding.

 _Natalia Alianovna Romanova_ was her real name, her Russian name. If Natasha was the American version of Natalia then Romanoff could be the American version of Romanova.

“First time?” The woman behind the counter asked rhetorically. Off course this was her first time, otherwise she’d be too young. “Most don’t make it the first time.” She grinned.

Natasha met her eyes. “I will,” she said boldly.

Then she stepped out of the line to join the other children who’d been standing in her line. She waited a little bit until Jordan arrived. “Romanoff? Did you just make that up? It sounds kinda cool.”

She smiled, liking the sound of it as well. “It’s my real name. Did you change yours?”

“Nah Jordan Blake, is a fine name on itself.”

“Can everybody hear me?” A black haired woman asked. She seemed to be of Chinese heritage and she had long straight her. Most of them nodded in confirmation after which she continued. “My name’s Melinda May, but you’ll call me Agent May.” She paused until she knew she had all of the attention. “With this group you’ll spend the week. All the exercises, all the tests will be done with this group. I’m here to guide this group and teach you the ways of SHIELD during this first selection week.”

Agent May seemed to present a proper amount of authority. Natasha liked that, especially the idea of a clear hierarchy within SHIELD. Such a thing was a necessity for a good organization in her opinion. She knew right then and there that she wanted nothing more than to become Agent Romanoff. _Whatever it takes_.

“We’ll be working with two types of days. First there are the action days, on these days we’ll be testing everything physical, running, parcours, weights, you name it. Then there are what we call the mind days, where we’ll be testing intelligence, ethical values and performance under pressure. On both of these types of days you’ll be able to accumulate points to your score.”

Action days shouldn’t be a problem for her, her physical condition was excellent and she would have the serum to boost her capabilities. Then there were the mind days, she could certainly perform under pressure. She had scored a lot of straight A’s at school and she was always praised for her smartness, so intelligence shouldn’t be a problem either. However, ethical values would be. She’d killed other girls so she could survive, that was nowhere near morally right.

“The first six days will consist of three action and three mind days. These six days will contribute for 50 percent of your total score. The last day is called evaluation day, as you might have guessed, on this day, you can earn the other 50 percent. On evaluation day you’ll have six separate tests, where each test corresponds to one of the previous days. The day after evaluation day, your score will be presented on the score board and you can see if you passed it.”

This would be one hell of a nerve-racking first week, she could already tell as much. Jordan looked extremely nervous, a lot of the children did. Not all of them, for some this would be the second or third time trying.

“If you don’t make it, you’ll not be allowed to enter the youth program. However, you can always try again next year. Each of you will have three chances total, if you fail for the third time, you’ll be out for good.”

Natasha saw the girl beside her swallow. It was the girl who had been standing in front of her in the line. _Hill_ , that was her last name. She couldn’t remember Hill’s first name but she could remember that this was Hill’s third time applying, poor girl.

Agent May continued her speech after a slight pause. “As mentioned before, you’ll spend the entirety of the week with this group. You’ll do the tests _together_ , you’ll eat _together_ , you’ll sleep in the same room _together._ That’s how we do things here _toge_ -.”

“Wait, do we have to sleep in the same room as the boys?” A little girl interrupted with a question. That was a daring move, interrupting your superior.

“What’s your name?” Agent May asked the girl sternly. The authority was clear in her voice. The girl looked like she wanted to ground to swallow her whole.

“Cher-… Cherry.” The girl stammered.

“Well, Cherry,” Agent May began. “First lesson: don’t interrupt me. Otherwise there’ll be consequences. I’ll let it slide for this time.” Then she loudened her voice and she focused on the whole group instead of Cherry. “It’s a matter of authority. Next time you have a question you raise your hand. Oh and yes, boys and girls we’ll be sleeping in the same room.”

Natasha heard mutters of complaint, though she really didn’t mind it all that much. Boys didn’t bite and if they did, she could handle them. Later that day they had to run five miles. Ten miles for bonus points. This was clearly an action day. She was one of the few who managed to complete the ten miles, the only ‘first-timer’ to do so. Hill had done it too, albeit with a lot of struggle, probably desperate to get through the selection this time.

Natasha had the second time, only beaten by Johnny Swift, who did his probably-chosen last name justice. She had gone on so many evening runs with her father, that this wasn’t too much of a challenge for her. Back in the day her father used to go on morning runs and always practically begged her to go with him. She, off course refused to go that early and eventually the want to run with her became greater then the want to run in the morning. She laughed inside at the memory, what had she done to deserve someone so pure, so good, as her father?

That same evening they were led to their collective bedroom, by Agent May. Apparently bedroom meant a hall with a few mattresses on the floor. Even in the Red Room they had real beds, bunk beds, but still beds. Fortunately, they were allowed to choose which mattress they wanted so she chose the one next to Jordan.

“I still can’t believe you actually ran the ten. After those five miles I broke down. Actually I might’ve broken down before the five.”

She chuckled. “I usually go for an evening run with my father, once or twice a week. That certainly helped a lot.”

“He a good runner?” He asked without feeling the need to use proper grammar. Her father was the best runner she ever met, she always slowed him down tremendously. Though he never seemed to mind.

Before she could answer him, a female voice interrupted them. “Is this one free?” Natasha turned around to see Hill standing there. She was a beautiful girl, a year or two older than Natasha. Hill had two piercing ice blue eyes and middle-long brownish hair.

She looked at Jordan and then they both nodded at the girl while Jordan whispered “Of course.” Hill put her stuff on the mattress next to Natasha’s and Jordan – who was sitting next to Natasha on her mattress – held out his hand to Hill. “I’m Jordan,” he greeted

She took his hand. “Maria.”

“I’m Natasha,” she said without feeling the need to shake hands.

“Are you both first-timers?” Maria asked them. They both nodded. “Jesus, you ran so fast. This is my third time trying and I was nowhere near being a match to your pace.” Maria sighed.

“What happened the last two times?” Jordan asked, probably trying to figure out some tips for passing.

“I didn’t make it,” she said sadly. “I don’t want to scare you but it’s only going to get harder.”

That didn’t surprise Natasha in the slightest. Jordan seemed to swallow though. “Any tips?” she asked.

“If I had some real good tips, I wouldn’t be here for the third time,” Maria said cheekily. “Though here’s some advice. Do exactly as they say, they’re not only looking at your score. They also keep track of your behavior. Disobeying orders will get you penalty points. Obeying them, bonus points. Even when something sounds more as advice than an order I’d recommend following it, they give points for that too.”

Looking at behavior, and giving points for it makes sense. SHIELD would have no use for someone who can’t follow orders, no matter how good they are. Following orders was nothing new for Natasha, that hadn’t been any different in the Red Room. At least she had two friends now, back there they others feared her. And they weren’t wrong.

When it was getting late and everyone was readying themselves to sleep, Natasha noticed there weren’t any guards in the bedroom. “Why aren’t there any guards?” she asked Maria.

“Why would there be guards? From who would we need protection? This is SHIELD, it isn’t like killers could break in.”

Of course there wouldn’t going to be any killers. Maria’s question rang through her head. _From who would we need protection?_. What about from _each other?_ If there weren’t any guards, how would they prevent them from slitting each other’s throat in their sleep? Then it dawned on her. This wasn’t the Red Room, this was SHIELD. The circumstances were very different.

That fact didn’t stop her from having nightmares and waking up from them while shrieking, numerous times during her first night there. She suddenly sat up after waking from up from her third nightmare and looked around the hall, expecting the others to stand next to her bed and slit her throat with a knife, but there was no one around her bed. Everybody was vast asleep, except Maria, who probably woke up from Natasha’s scream. “Hey,” she said calmly, in a comforting manner “Are you okay?”

Natasha nodded with some tears still in her eyes. “Yes, thanks,” she lied. She wasn’t feeling okay, not even close.

“You don’t look okay,” Maria said while standing up to sit next to Natasha on her mattress. “You can tell me.”

Natasha could tell it to her, her whole past, but she decided not too. She knew Maria for only a day, not long enough to share something so deep, not by a long shot. “Thanks, Maria. But I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay,” she simply said. “But don’t hesitate to tell me when you need someone to talk about it.” Then she pulled up the covers and she went back to sleep.

Natasha didn’t want to sleep, she’d get another nightmare. Where was her father when she needed him? She could still remember every detail of the first time she saw him. When he rescued her all those years ago. His face had been a mixture of grief and relief and to this day she still couldn’t really fathom why. Why her? He didn’t adopt any the other girls. Why _her?_

He had always believed in her. How often had he tried to convince her that she was a good person and not a monster? He had always painted the Red Room as the real villain and not the girls who were trained by them. How could they, how could she be good, after everything she’d done?

Though maybe he was right, what if it was really only the Red Room to blame. It was always kill or be killed, a ‘game’ which moved itself from the trainings during the day, to the sleepless nights as well. After the first two girls – who had been the best at that point –were killed during the night, the Red Room installed guards in their bedroom. The killings had been done out of fear, they killed to avoid being killed. And it was all because of the Red Room.

Those same rules didn’t apply here. Being the worst in terms of skill, didn’t get you killed here. There was no motive, to kill the others. Everyone needed to reach 200 points, killing someone else wasn’t going to help you get closer to achieving that goal. If anything it would result into getting kicked out immediately. Realizing that, she was eventually able to drift off, sleeping without nightmares to haunt her.

The following day was their first mind day. It felt just like school except they made their tests on computers instead of the usual pen and paper way. The subjects ranged from quite advanced math, a bit of programming, analyzing situations, basis of multiple languages, to the hierarchy system within SHIELD. Most of those, they’d been taught earlier that day. It was certainly a step up from the slow learning pace she was used to, but most of these things she was forced to learn in the Red Room at a way younger age.

The day after that was their second action day, weights were on the schedule this time. The exercises varied a lot to most accurately test all of their muscle groups. Natasha wasn’t quite the strongest, her serum didn’t do much for her strength. It mostly enhanced her ability to focus and her endurance. Darren Ford stole the show that day, but he was at least a feet taller than her. He had muscles way bigger than one was supposed to have at age 13. She still managed to outdo Jordan, but she lost to Maria. Only slightly. Bobbi Morse showed remarkable and surprising strength, though it  looked like she had had an early puberty, which resulted in her towering above the rest in length but also in terms of raw strength.

Their fourth day was another mind day and it brought something Natasha dreaded since the first day, ethics. Like the first mind day, they spent the first half of the day on the education of ethics while the second half was about testing the skills they had hopefully acquired. She just tried to do her best, but deep down she knew she was going to be a failure at this part. There simply was still too much Red Room in her. At least she hadn’t had any nightmares since her first night.

Next up was their final action day, parcours. They had to do all sorts of crazy stuff. Crawling through the mud, running and jumping over rooftops, swimming across the lake in full clothing and climbing to the top of the weirdest structures. SHIELD ensured the security in all of those activities by using stuff like safety nets. Agent May closely kept track of their performances in her notebook and they ended the day with their first target practice.

Their sixth day consisted of performing under pressure. Agent May along with some other agents, made every effort to distract or scare them while they needed to focus on their tasks. The agents’s distraction methods ranged from weird sounds, smells, lighting, temperature, smoke, to straight up scolding and insulting the children to see if they could handle all of that. Natasha could. Focusing was much easier with her serum and the insults were nothing compared to what she had been used to. Jordan had a lot of trouble that day but Maria seemed to perform quite alright.

Last up was evaluation day, the day in which all of the previous days would be combined. In the morning they had a test to see exactly how much they had remembered of ethics and all the rest while during the afternoon they had a run with various obstacles. They had to climb over the weirdest of walls, they needed to crawl beneath barbed wires through the mud, they had to lifts weights or shoot targets to continue on and swimming was a necessity on multiple occasions, all the while they were being distracted by the agents. Apparently they needed to not only perform well mentally under pressure, but also physically.

That evening all the groups enjoyed a giant barbecue together and some delicious ice cream. Natasha had lemon flavor, which was her absolute favorite. Maria sat next to her while Jordan sat on the other side of the table.

“Gosh, I really hope I made it.” Jordan said before taking a bite of his strawberry ice cream.

“Yeah, we all do.” Natasha agreed. “But there’s nothing more we can do, if we didn’t.”

“Girl,” Maria began “You ain’t need to worry about shit. You’ve for sure made it.” Jordan nodded in agreement. “Jordan and I can only hope we made it too.” Maria was already 15, two and a half years older than the both of them. Natasha noticed the difference in how Maria spoke compared to them. She had this I-don’t-give-a-shit vibe, and Natasha absolutely loved it.

“You’ll make it in.” she replied confidently. “Third time’s the charm, right?”

Maria chuckled at that. “I thought that about the second time too, but I guess we’ll see tomorrow.”

Natasha really hoped all three of them could make it, they made a nice little team. Above all though, she just hoped that she made it. She couldn’t wait to see the proud look on her father’s face if she made it in. Then she could be a SHIELD agent, that’s all she’s ever wanted. Maria and Jordan seemed to be sure that she had in fact made it in, but she wasn’t as certain. She probably screwed up the ethics part and her weight lifting wasn’t that top notch either. She could only hope for tomorrow. It was certainly going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliff hanger :p  
> Let me know what you guys think!


	7. Meeting The Mentor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> I'm back! I'm sorry for the long wait, but last week I was really busy. This chapter is slightly longer than usual to make up for that ;) I hope you'll enjoy it!

**September 10 th, 1997**

After eating breakfast, Agent Coulson announced that the results of the selection would be presented shortly in the great hall. So off course everybody rushed there to see if they had made it in. Natasha ran to the scoreboard of their group along with Maria and Jordan. _200,_ that was the score they needed to get.

**Name**

| 

**R** **u** **n**

| 

**Intelligence**

| 

**Weights**

| 

**Ethics**

| 

**Parcours**

| 

**PUP**

| 

**Action**

| 

**Mind**

| 

**Behavior**

| 

**Total**  
  
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---  
  
**Ball, Marsha**

| 

27

| 

31

| 

22

| 

34

| 

20

| 

15

| 

69

| 

80

| 

23

| 

172  
  
**Blake, Jordan**

| 

22

| 

32

| 

22

| 

34

| 

21

| 

15

| 

65

| 

81

| 

22

| 

168  
  
**Coldon, Drake**

| 

29

| 

39

| 

36

| 

25

| 

23

| 

39

| 

88

| 

103

| 

18

| 

209  
  
**Daisy, Emilia**

| 

34

| 

12

| 

35

| 

30

| 

36

| 

31

| 

105

| 

73

| 

-12

| 

166  
  
**Evans, Noah**

| 

34

| 

33

| 

34

| 

35

| 

35

| 

28

| 

103

| 

96

| 

26

| 

225  
  
**Ford, Darren**

| 

18

| 

22

| 

40

| 

34

| 

28

| 

8

| 

86

| 

64

| 

-5

| 

145  
  
**Hayes, Georgia**

| 

22

| 

23

| 

19

| 

36

| 

22

| 

30

| 

63

| 

89

| 

17

| 

169  
  
**Hill, Maria**

| 

31

| 

38

| 

28

| 

32

| 

27

| 

25

| 

86

| 

95

| 

27

| 

208  
  
**Mcguire, Jon**

| 

31

| 

26

| 

33

| 

16

| 

34

| 

29

| 

98

| 

71

| 

-15

| 

154  
  
**Meldy, Cherry**

| 

20

| 

28

| 

15

| 

34

| 

12

| 

15

| 

47

| 

77

| 

5

| 

129  
  
**Morse, Bobbi**

| 

35

| 

30

| 

37

| 

29

| 

36

| 

32

| 

108

| 

91

| 

12

| 

211  
  
**Patton, Essie**

| 

20

| 

36

| 

16

| 

33

| 

12

| 

34

| 

48

| 

103

| 

24

| 

175  
  
**Romanoff, Natasha**

| 

36

| 

37

| 

26

| 

39

| 

32

| 

36

| 

94

| 

112

| 

25

| 

231  
  
**Stone, Jake**

| 

35

| 

31

| 

38

| 

34

| 

36

| 

16

| 

109

| 

81

| 

22

| 

212  
  
**Swift, Johnny**

| 

39

| 

25

| 

37

| 

33

| 

40

| 

35

| 

116

| 

93

| 

-7

| 

202  
  
**Turner, Cedric**

| 

23

| 

40

| 

28

| 

37

| 

22

| 

32

| 

73

| 

109

| 

24

| 

206  
  
Immediately after approaching said board she looked for her own name. A total score of 231, she had passed! A feeling of joy exploded inside of her, she made it in! Agent Romanoff, oh yeah! Her parents would be so incredibly proud of her. She couldn’t wait to see the look on their faces.

Then she looked at how she had scored per test, she’d gotten 94 points on the action days, a whopping 112 for the mind days and 25 bonus points for behavior, which she didn’t even need to pass. She gasped as she noticed her Ethics score of 39, the highest of the whole group, and only one point off of the maximum. And she thought that she had screwed that up?

Suddenly a screaming Maria gave her a side hug. “208?! I made it in!” she yelled, probably loud enough for the whole hall to hear her.

Natasha gave the teary-eyed girl a big hug. “Me too, we did it.” They jumped in the air together filled with enthusiasm.

When she wanted to let Jordan join them in their hug, she noticed that he wasn’t cheering at all. He just stared at the board. The sadness was clear in his eyes. She followed his gaze and saw that he had only gotten a score of 168. That wasn’t 200, that wasn’t enough. Jordan didn’t make it. “I’m happy for you two, I knew my chances were slim.”

It broke Natasha to see her friend like this. She knew he had done his best, all he could have done. But it hadn’t been enough. “I’m so sorry Jordan,” she said while giving him a comforting hug. Maria gave him a hug after that as well.

Her passing felt a lot less pleasing, knowing he hadn’t. “I’m okay,” he said. It didn’t sound very convincing but she didn’t comment on that. “Only seven people of our group have passed.” He paused. “Seven out of seventeen.” It sure had been a rough selection, they were warned it would be hard. Though Natasha hadn’t expected that not even half of them would succeed.

“Hey,” Maria began in her own comforting way. She placed her hand on his shoulder. “So you didn’t make it the first time? Neither did I. But here I am. You can always try again next year.”

His face lightened up a bit after that. “Thanks, Maria. However, I think SHIELD isn’t the place for me after all. I wish you two all the luck.” He gave the two of them one last hug, and with that, he left. It was a real bummer, losing their friend so soon. She usually didn’t make friends that easily. She was more than glad to still have Maria.

Then, they were collected by Agent Coulson and led to a new room, where they received a presentation about what they could expect as first-years at SHIELD. During the presentation, Natasha noticed the blond head of Sharon, so she had made it in as well. Perhaps, that could mean another friend for her. After the presentation she tapped her on her shoulder and spoke to her. “Sharon, hey.”

She turned around. “Natasha? Wow what are you doing here?” She seemed genuinely pleased and surprised.

“Same as you. I’m here to become a SHIELD agent. I see you made it in as well,” she smiled at Sharon. It wasn’t even a fake smile. She couldn’t really stand Sharon in the past, but looking back on it, there wasn’t really a good reason for that. She and Sharon were actually very similar.

“Yes, luckily I did. My mom didn’t let me at first, but my dad managed to convince her eventually. I’ve always looked up to auntie Peggy and uncle Joseph, you know. I want to make them proud.” So did Natasha. Though there was something of Sharon’s story that bugged her. Uncle _Joseph?_ Surely, she knew of his identity. Did she? The room was pretty crowded so there was a chance that she simply didn’t want to risk someone overhearing their conversation.

Whatever the reason was, Natasha blanked out thinking after that. Sharon gave her a weird look and walked away. The confusion was probably evident on her face. “Sharon?” she called out after her. That caused Sharon to turn around. “Could you be my friend?”

She saw a wide smile appear on Sharon’s face. “Of course.” After that Sharon walked out of the room. Natasha was still looking at her when she was suddenly scared by a tap on her shoulder.

“Ms. Romanoff?” It was Agent Coulson. She nodded at him. “If you would follow me.”  
So that’s what she did. They went into his office. When they both sat down, he opened his mouth again. “That was an incredible performance of you.”

“Thanks, sir,” she replied. She knew she was the best of her group. 231 points, that wasn’t nothing. There was one boy in her group – she thought his name was Noah – who had scored something like 225 points. The rest of them were all below 215.

“231,” he said. “That’s a lot. 200 points is a pretty high bar and every extra point is even more incredible. You know, no one even came close to your performance. Noah Evans was the second best and he got a score of 225, that’s a whole 6 points less.” Natasha nodded, she didn’t think six points were all that much, but apparently Agent Coulson thought otherwise. “In fact this is the second best youth performance in all of SHIELD’s history. We’d like to offer you our Special Agent Program. That will be an extended program, to train you to become a Special Agent.”

A Special Agent, what did that mean? Would she be trained to be one of the very best Agents of all of SHIELD? “What does that mean?” She asked him.

“It means you’ll be one of our very best. You’ll be send on missions that require the most expertise, the most important ones. An above average clearance level will be one of your many privileges. Special Agents are our most trustworthy employees, like your father.”

“Is he a Special Agent?” she asked him surprised. She didn’t know that about him.

“He was our very first. So…” he paused for a little while. “Do you want to become a Special Agent yourself?”

She nodded. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

“We expect great things for you one day, Special Agent Romanoff,” he said while signaling with his hand that she was allowed to leave his office. She smiled at him, before standing up and walking to the door.

Before she left the office, she turned around. “Agent Coulson, can I ask you a question?”

“Hmm, fire away,” he told her.

“You said I was the second best, who was the best?” It was just curiosity, of course she wanted to know who the one person who had done it better was.

“His name’s Clint Barton. He had a score of 232,” Agent Coulson replied with a grin clearly visible on his face. 232, one freaking point higher than her score. This Barton better watch his back, soon she’d be the best.

  

Natasha jumped into his arms as soon as she came home. “I did it!” she yelled.

He held her tight and she felt him laughing in joy. Feeling his every breath on her shoulder. Her father was proud, so incredibly proud. There was nothing in the world she wanted more than that. He meant the world to her, after all he was the one to rid her of a terrible fate in the Red Room. She couldn’t imagine all the pain she would have had to suffer through if he had never come to save her. The Red Room policies were known all to well, _love is for children_.

She knew what they would have done to her, had she graduated. Nothing could ever matter more than a mission, not even a baby, that was their vision. She was glad she had remained the right to choose about her own life, she was glad she was saved from all those horrors, and it was all thanks to him. But he had done so much more than just that, he had loved her like the father she never had. She still wondered why, but in all honesty, what did it matter? He loved her, she loved him and that was enough for her.

“I’m so… so proud of you.” The words didn’t need to be spoken, actions spoke larger than words.

“I’m going to be a Special Agent, just like you,” she said proudly, while breaking their embrace.

“A Special Agent, huh? That’s amazing, Nat.”

“It is,” she agreed. “I scored 231 points, that’s like the second best score ever.” The excitement was evident in her voice.

“Only second best?” he asked teasingly with a huge smirk on his face. She only smiled in response. “I knew you could do it and I couldn’t have been more proud of you.”

“Thanks, dad. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he responded with the sweetest smile.

 

* * *

 

**July 19 th, 1998**

“Agent Wilson?” It was Phil Coulson’s voice.

“Yeah?” Steve said hoping to find out what he was needed for.

Phil approached him with some files, which he handed over. “Here take a look. This are your daughters scores of her first year.” Steve knew that she and Maria had officially passed their first year, Natasha had been ecstatic about it.

“Wow,” was the only word that Steve could muster.

“They’re exceptional,” Phil stated. “We weren’t wrong about her, she’s ready for the Special Agent Program. As soon as next year.”

“Next year already?” The program usually only began in the third year.

“As I said: Exceptional. We just need to assign her a mentor.” New Special Agents were always mentored by a senior Special Agent, someone of a few years older. “She’s our first female Special Agent, so we have no choice but to assign her a male mentor.”

He didn’t really like that thought, mentors almost always formed a close relationship with their pupils. Hopefully Natasha wouldn't grow too close with her mentor. “As long as it’s not a creepy one,” he said with worry in his words. “Who would you recommend?”

He wasn’t going to lie, Natasha was growing more beautiful by the year, but she was just 13 years old. Definitely too young for a boyfriend. Definitely.

“Right now we’re thinking about Agent Barton. He’s not that creepy.” Phil said giving him some sort of apologetic look.

“Clint Barton?” Steve asked surprised.

“You know him?”

“I’ve met him,” he said awkwardly. It wasn’t exactly a lie. True, he hadn’t met this timeline’s Clint, however, he’d known Clint in his own timeline. Clint and Nat had always been best of friends, nothing more. Nothing to worry about.

 

* * *

 

**September 9 th, 1998**

“So you’ll start another program?” Maria asked her somewhat sadly.

“Don’t worry, we’ll still she each other quite often.” Natasha assured the brunette, which caused her to smile.

“I think so too. But this new mentor of yours, have you like met him? Maybe he’s cute.”

Maria had been trying to find Natasha a boyfriend ever since she had begun dating Noah. “God, Maria. Won’t you ever stop?” Natasha asked pretending to be annoyed.

“What?” she asked nonchalantly. Natasha decided to ignore her friend for a moment. After a small pause she spoke again. “You didn’t answer my question. Have you met him?”

“No I have not. All I know is his name, it’s Clint Barton.”

“That does sound quite sexy,” she whispered teasingly.

“Maria!” Natasha said while hitting her friend with her backpack. She deserved that for teasing her.

“Okay… okay. I believe he’s Bobbi’s boyfriend anyway,” she stated.

“Bobbi? Like Bobbi Morse?” Natasha asked confused. Bobbi Morse was more than a year older than her. She had been part of their selection week group but Natasha had never really gotten along with her. Not then, not now. She spent her time with Maria, Sharon and Jennifer, who started out as just a friend of Sharon but managed to join their little group eventually.

“Yes, that Bobbi. If he’s her boyfriend then he sure as hell is hot.” Bobbi was a really pretty girl so it would make sense for her to have a hot guy as a boyfriend. At least according to Maria’s logic, who apparently believed that love was only about looks. Then Maria poked Natasha with her elbow. “Lucky you.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “This is where I need to be,” she said pointing at the classroom they were approaching.

“Okay bye then.”

“Bye, see you tonight.”

Maria winked at her and loudly whispered. “Go get him,girl.”

Natasha walked into the room where she was supposed to meet her soon-to-be mentor. Their was a boy standing there, probably just the guy who was going to become her mentor. He was about a foot taller than her, a year or sixteen. His hair was a dark shade of blonde, almost brown. The muscles of his calves were huge, as were those of his arms. He carried a big black quiver on his back. An arrow guy. Her gaze went down slowly as she was observing the thing and eventually landed on his fine ass. Especially with Maria’s teasing in mind, she couldn’t help but notice that.

“Hi,” Natasha said, causing the boy in front of her to turn around so that he was now facing her. Now she could get a quick look at his face. He wasn’t _that_ hot. He had an amazing shade of eye color, though. A beautiful blue, approaching green “Are you Clint Barton?”

He nodded sternly while fidgeting with one of his arrows in his hand. “You’re Natasha Romanoff?”

“Yeah,” she said while reaching out to shake his free hand.

After their handshake he spoke up. “Okay, first up. You’ll adress me as Agent Barton. That clear?”

“Yes,”  she said without a doubt. He was her superior, this was just another matter of respect.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, Agent Barton.”

“That’s more like it.” He smiled a bit. “So, Natasha huh? Where you from?” She could already tell that Agent Barton was probably raised on something like a farm. Placing accents had always been one of her many talents. She decided to give him an honest answer, they would need to trust each other in order to make this work.

“From Russia, but I’ve lived here since I was just seven years old.”

He acknowledged that with a short hum and began over a totally different subject. “That your real name, Romanoff? Heard you were Carter and Wilson’s daughter.”

“How do you know that?” she asked not liking it in the slightest. No one had ever found out her real identity. Well, no one who she hadn’t told.

“Spoke to your dad. Earlier today,” he simply stated. “Your adoptive dad. He’s not your real father.”

“He is to me,” Natasha said, somehow feeling offended by his comment. He was her real dad, in everything but name.

He didn’t react to that, switching the subject again instead. “You know why you’re here?”

“For the Special Agent program,” she said.

“That all?” he asked rhetorically. “You’re here to become one of SHIELD’s most crucial Agents. To do the most important, the most dangerous things, because no one else can.”

“How many are there?” She didn’t know just how many Special Agents worked at SHIELD.

“There are about 20 of us. Not a lot of people succeed in scoring 228 points or more. 231 is especially exceptional.” Was 228 the requirement for the Special Agent Program? That was very a specific number.

“Didn’t you score 232?” Was he calling himself especially exceptional?

“That’s right,” he said while smirking. She could already tell that Agent Barton was going to be a bit cocky. “Let’s get started.”

Natasha smiled at that, she could predict that she and Agent Barton were going to butt heads from time to time. She looked forward to learning new things and making a new friend.

 

 

“How was your first day, Nat?” Steve asked curiously. She and Clint would probably get along great, but he just wanted to make sure that they got along in this timeline as well.

“It was great. Agent Barton is such a great mentor. He’s a bit cocky and kind of annoying sometimes, but I’ve already learned so much today. I feel like we have a good shot at being friends, you know.” That was nice to hear, he was sure that they were going to be really close friends.

“He’s a great guy and one of our most capable Agents, despite his young age.”

“Have you given him the ‘dad-talk’?" she asked while rolling her eyes. He laughed a bit and shrugged. “You don’t need to worry, he already has a girlfriend. I’m too young for him anyway.”

“I know. I’m not worried. Not one bit.” Clint and Nat were really close but had only ever been best of friends. He had thought they were a thing in the beginning, but he soon found out that they weren’t. Clint even turned out to have a family.

“Then why did you talk to him beforehand?”

“I just wanted to make sure he would treat you right,” he admitted sincerely.

“So you _did_ give him the ‘dad-talk’?" she asked teasingly. “Or more like ‘grandpa-talk’,” she added, laughing. Steve was certainly aware of the fact that he was aging, the serum was getting gradually weaker. His hair and beard had become a bit grey.

“Hey, I don’t look _that_ old,” he said in an indignant manner.

“You do look pretty good for an 80 year old,” she assured him. He was actually even older than that, 91 years already, but Natasha didn’t know about his life in the future of another timeline. She would be 14 in just a few months, two years after that he would have to tell her. He wasn’t looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was chapter 7, let me know what you guys think!  
> PS: I'm thinking about making this fiction have 11 chapters, (still depending on how long the coming chapters will be), so there'll be at least 4 chapters left after this one! :)


	8. Friendship Lasts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This chapter was getting so long that I had to split it in two separate parts and even this split part is already way longer than what I normally do hahaha. I hope you'll enjoy it!

**June 25 th, 1999**

The sound of gunshots echoed through the room as Natasha shot right in the bullseye, three times straight. She gave Clint an enthusiastic high five.

“Not bad. Not bad,” he said.

“Not bad? That was a whole lot better than ‘not bad’.” She pretended to be annoyed, but to be fair, ‘not bad’ was about as far as it gets regarding Clint’s compliments.

“Still not as good as me,” he teased.

“Why do they call _you_ Hawkeye? I have as much of a Hawk’s eye as you do.”

“No you don’t,” he said, laughing. “Not with bow and arrow you don’t.”

“Well, that’s only because I’ve never trained in archery. Once I have you won’t be the only Hawkeye anymore,” she said, continuing the teasing.

“You wish,” he replied. “Besides  Hawkeye’s my codename. There can’t be two. You better find another name.”

“Maybe I will,”  she said in a mysterious manner. “What do you think about Black Widow?” Her program at the Red Room was called the Black Widow Program, so the name would make sense.

“That sounds creepy,” he whispered and then added teasingly: “Not creepy enough for you though.”

That earned him a playful slap on his shoulder out of annoyance. “I’m not _that_ creepy.”

“Sure, of course you’re not,” he said sarcastically. He took a slight pause before speaking up again. “Archery training will have to wait for next year though. This was our last day of work.”

Natasha was so ready for the Summer Holidays. Last year had been a lot of fun, but it had also been very tiring. She probably wouldn’t see Clint throughout the holidays. “Hey,” she began, more nervously than necessary. “Do you have something planned for today?”

“Only for tonight. Why? You want to do something?”

“We should get some ice cream. I mean the weather’s hot today.”

His smile was a definite yes.

 

An hour or so later they sat together in a snackbar eating some delicious ice cream. Hers was lemon flavored and Clint enjoyed a orange one.

“Look at us, we’re almost twins,” Clint said gesturing to their ice-cream flavors.

“How are lemon and orange twins?” she asked mockingly.

“They’re like super similar,” Clint argued.

“Whatever,” she said not wanting to argue about something so silly. “Who fucking likes orange flavor anyway?”

“Hey,” he said, pretending to be offended. “Don’t you dare disrespect orange ice cream.”

She was about to say something witty in return but they were interrupted by the TV. _BREAKING NEWS_ lighted up on the screen. The presentator came into vision and she began to clarify what was happening.

“A private jet of Howard Stark has been hit while flying over Siberia by what is presumed to be a Russian missile. Reports show that both Howard Stark and his wife were among those in the plane. The plane exploded high in the air, which leads us to believe that no one could have possibly survived. The mysterious case summons many questions. The US government is currently busy by setting up a team for investigation.”

“Damn,” Clint muttered, echoing Natasha’s thoughts. She had visited the Starks a couple of times and she knew that her parents had a close bond with both of them. The Starks had a son, Tony, who she couldn’t remember to have been mentioned in the news. Had he not been on the plane? She wasn’t sure what to wish for him, losing one’s parents so suddenly was perhaps even worse than just dying with them.

“I have to go,” she stated, feeling the need to comfort her father.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to my dad. You?” she asked though she really didn’t care what he would do at the moment.

“Going to Bobbi’s I think.” She still didn’t like Bobbi, it had only gotten worse between them last year and usually she wondered why. But it didn’t matter now.

 

When she arrived at home she found her parents crying on the couch, trying and failing to comfort one another. She dumped her backpack on the ground and walked towards them. She hugged both of them. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

When she broke their embrace she felt the need to ask what happened to Tony. “What about Tony?” she all but sobbed.

“He… He’s okay. He’s alive,” her father said. “I tried to call him but…”

“No one can blame Tony for not picking up the phone Steve, he has more than enough on his plate as of now,” her mother said as comforting as she was able to, with tears still in her eyes as well. Despite being 78 years old, and actually looking that old, she could still be so comforting to her father.

 

 

Howard and Maria were dead, after 1991 Steve had thought them to be safe, but he was wrong. Time still found its way eventually. They were destined to be killed, there was apparently nothing he could have done. It was going to happen at one time or another and that thought frightened him. What if this timeline would become exactly the same as the one he had left behind? What if this timeline was destined to do so. He couldn’t lose her, not again.

Steve had always thought that he was making this timeline a better world than the original one, but now he wondered if that was even remotely possible. Sure he had managed to change some things, however, the outcome remained the same. Natasha still joined SHIELD, Howard and Maria still died and Tony became the head of Srark industries again, after a few days. What if Bucky got captured by Hydra again? He thought he’d destroyed Hydra til the last sprout, but what if he had not? What if Thanos still happened? Along with the Decimation, all of it. Would there be another time heist? What if she had to sacrifice herself again? He couldn’t let that happen. He would fight against time, to make sure it wouldn’t.

 

* * *

 

**November 22 nd, 1999**

At Natasha’s fifteenth birthday, she and a few friends celebrated with a girl’s night.

“Come on, it’s your birthday! Have a drink, Tash,” Maria shouted somewhat tipsy, handing Natasha a bottle of wine.

“I’m not 21, not even sixteen,” she responded, signaling with her hands that she had absolutely no interest in drinking.

“No one really waits til their 21, Nat, just drink,” Loraine pushed.

After she refused again, even Sharon took a sip, and she hadn’t even turned 15 yet. When Sharon handed her the bottle she took a sip as well. It was initially quite strong but Natasha liked the taste.

“So, Nat, it’s your birthday…” began Lorraine and Natasha could already feel where this was going. “I want you to spill, do you like Drake?”

Natasha almost choked on her wine at that ridiculous statement. Sure, Drake was kinda hot, but he… “He isn’t really my type.”

“What? Girl, who are you kidding?” Jennifer asked loudly. “He’s blonde and he has blue eyes. That’s so totally your type.”

“Yeah, his eyes are like a blue ocean in which you can drown,” Lorraine said, backing her friend up.

“Wait a second…” Sharon said, while turning to face Lorraine. “Do _you_ like Drake Coldon?”

“In my defense, he’s cute. But this isn’t about me it’s about Natasha. It’s her birthday and she still doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

“Why do I need one?” she asked, not understanding why every other girl felt the need to match her to some dude.

“Girls,” Maria said. “You’re wasting your time. I’ve been trying to find her a boyfriend for years, but she  only has eyes for Barton.”

“I do not,” she denied though she could feel her cheeks glowing lightly. She and Clint had only ever been friends and she wondered why on earth Maria would need that to change.

“Like Clint Barton?” Jennifer asked.

“Yup, that’s the one,” Maria said.

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?” Sharon asked confused.

“He does,” Natasha admitted. “That’s exactly why I’m totally not interested.”

“You don’t sound _totally not interested_ ,” Lorraine teased, causing Natasha’s cheeks to flush again. She was supposed to be better at hiding emotions, after her Red Room training. But talking about matters like this made her nervous in some way, she was just a normal teenage girl with teenage hormones.

“Oh,” Jennifer said loudly, apparently coming to some kind of realization. “That’s why you don’t like Bobbi. You’re just jealous.”

“She so fucking is,” Maria agreed.

“You are being ridiculous, all of you,” Natasha declared, successfully putting up her emotionless mask for the first time that evening.

“Then why do you hate Bobbi?” Lorraine asked slyly.

Bobbi was a popular and kind of arrogant girl who had quite a high opinion of herself. Was it so weird for her to dislike that. “I don’t hate her. It’s just she’s popular and pretty and she knows it. That makes her arrogant.” And she should have just stopped talking after that, but being the dumbass she sometimes is, she added: “She doesn’t treat Clint right.”

Natasha regretted the sentence the moment it came pouring out of her mouth. “See? I told you she’s just jealous.” Jennifer said proudly.

“It doesn’t take a detective to figure that one out though,” Maria stated, as a reaction on Jennifer’s I-told-you-so attitude.

“Well, you all aren’t good detectives, cause I ain’t interested.”

Sharon put her hand on Natasha’s shoulder in a comforting way. “It’s okay, Nat, we don’t get to choose who we like. But he has a girlfriend, so maybe you should try with someone else.”

Instead of thanking Sharon for trying it give her comfort, she shouted at the other girls. She was totally done, with this conversation. “How many times do I have to say that I don’t like him?!”

All the girls looked a little shocked by her sudden outburst. “Maybe, we should just talk about something else,” Sharon calmly suggested, to which the other girls agreed, probably not wanting to deal with Natasha in her angry mood.

“Thanks, Sharon,”  Natasha replied and afterwards they didn’t speak a single word about Clint or about Natasha’s love life for that matter. And the rest of the evening was great, she didn’t allow one unpleasant conversation to ruin her birthday. However, she couldn’t help but think about it for the rest of the night. She definitely didn’t like Clint. Not like that. Or did she? No, she didn’t. He already had Bobbi anyway, so it didn’t really matter what the hell she thought about it.

 

* * *

 

**June 12 th, 2000**

Natasha breathed slowly as she pulled the string of her bow backwards, readying her shot.

“Hold,” Clint said loudly. He walked towards her and went to stand directly behind her. He placed one of his hands on her hip, adjusting her position. With the other he adjusted her arm into a better position. Natasha could feel his every breath and felt the back of her head slightly touching his chin. “Fire,” he whispered.

She fired the arrow away, right into the bullseye and turned around. Her face was only about an inch separated from his as he smiled. She thought back to all her friends claiming that she liked him. If she really liked him, especially because him helping her shoot like that, could come straight out of some romantic movie, shouldn’t she like feel the urge to kiss him or something? Because that definitely wasn’t the case. She just found the close space between them, rather awkward.

He probably did too as he took a step away from her and just gave her a slightly awkward high-five. “You’re ready for next week.”

“You think so?” she asked, still doubting it.

“You’re the fastest learner I ever had. Bobbi still can’t fire one arrow straight,” he said, smiling widely.

Natasha felt her smile dropping a little at the mention of Bobbi. “Have you been practicing archery with her too?” she asked, feeling somewhat sad. That was supposed to be _their_ thing.

“No,” he said, after which he let out a laugh followed by a smirk. “But, I’ve been practicing with her in other things, if you know what I mean.”

She let out a short laugh. Boys were so dumb sometimes, who would just throw something like that out? Did she ask for it? No. She knew exactly what he meant and it wasn’t something that she needed to hear. But was that because of jealously or because it was just wildly inappropriate? She decided it was the latter. Clint was just a friend. Why would that need to change?

“I didn’t exactly need to know that Clint,” she said and she heard him mutter something which sounded like an apology. “But I’m glad you’re happy,”

“Thanks, Tasha.” Seeing his earnest smile, made her feel incredible happy. She knew right then and there, that she was not going to let anyone or anything ruin their beautiful friendship. Not now, not ever.

 

* * *

 

**June 26 th, 2000**

It came as no surprise when Natasha successfully passed her last junior year. She was now officially a SHIELD Agent. Though she was still a trainee, she could be sent on real missions now. Just like Clint did. Because he had already reached the age of eighteen, he wasn’t a trainee anymore.

“We’re going to be partners, you and I,” he stated.

“Huh? Partners? What do you mean?”  she asked slightly confused.

“SHIELD seems to think that we work well together. They’re planning on deploying us on missions together. So, that makes us partners.”

Natasha didn’t try to hide her smile. “Partners,” she echoed “I like that,”

He returned her smile and she wanted to ask him to get ice cream together, just like last year. “Do you want to get some…” she started before getting interrupted by her ringing phone. It was Maria who called her. She usually just texted and so Natasha sixth sense warned her that perhaps things weren’t really alright.

“Hey Maria, it’s Tasha,” she said probably in a too casual manner for this situation. She could already hear sobbing on the other end of the phone. This wasn’t good.

“Hey, Tash,” she said, barely louder than a whisper. “I… I didn’t make it. Can you please come over?” Oh God no. Maria failed in her last junior year? As if the poor girl hadn’t suffered through enough already. Natasha felt broken inside at the thought of just how miserable this would be for her closest friend.

“I’m so sorry. Of course I can, I’ll be on my way,” she promised Maria.

“What’s the matter?” Clint asked, with worry clearly in his voice.

“Maria, I have to go,”  she said, not really answering his question fully, but what did it matter? Her best friend needed her. And so without saying another word, she left him alone in the room.

 

After Maria’s mother let her in, she immediately ventured to Maria’s room. Natasha had been here various times before, so she knew the way around the house.

She opened the door as soon as she reached it and took a quick look at Maria’s bedroom. She found her lying face down on her pillow, as depressed as it gets.

Natasha went to sit on the edge of the bed and grasped her friend’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. Maria got up to sit beside her and Natasha got to look at just exactly how miserable her friend felt. “I failed,” she sobbed. “After all my hard work, for three years. This was my third time failing, Tash. That’s the last time.”

Natasha gave Maria a long comforting hug and made soothing shushing sounds. Actions spoke louder than words. There was no need for words, not now.

Maria already looked a lot better when they broke their embrace. “I’m not giving up,” she said determined, with tears still in her eyes.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m joining the military. After graduating in a United States Armed Forces program, I can always try to join SHIELD again via the adult program.” Natasha had always respected Maria’s strong will, nothing could ever take that away from her.

“You’ll make it, I know you will,” Natasha said as encouragingly as she was capable of.

“You really are an amazing friend. It’s going to be a bummer, not getting to spend time with you again,” Maria sniffed.

“Maria,” she began. “Even if you’re going somewhere else, we can make time.”

“It’s not so easy in the military, they’ll have you stay on the campus day and night, even through the weekends.” The sadness was evident in her friends voice and it hurt her to see Maria like this.

“Then we’ll spend time during the holidays,” she said determined to not ruin the best friendship of her life.

“In the holidays,” Maria echoed, as she went in for a long and comforting hug.

“You’ll come around, I know you can do it. I’ve never met anyone with as strong of a will as you.”

“Thanks, Tasha. You are the best friend I could ask for. I hope you’ll have a great time at SHIELD.”

“I will,”  she responded. “And so will you one day. Come here.” Then they hugged again and Natasha had every faith in the world that she would one day see Maria at SHIELD again.

 

* * *

 

**November 21 st, 2000**

“Dad?” Natasha called from downstairs. It was already past 1.00 a.m. so Steve was lying in bed alongside his wife. Last month Natasha usually stayed up late, being on her phone for most of the time. She always told him that she was calling her girl friends, but he suspected that it was actually Clint. The reason as to why she would hide such a thing from him, frightened him a bit.

“Go talk to her,” Peggy whispered, who apparently was woken up by Natasha’s shout as well.

He got out of bed and put on some pants and a white tank top, cause he wasn’t going downstairs in only his underwear. “Dad?” she called out again, impatient as she had always been.

“Coming,” he shouted. Then he entered the living room. “What is it, honey?”

“SHIELD wants to deploy on a mission to Pakistan in a just a few hours,” she stated, but Steve had difficulty in processing it, still being tired as he had just been laying in bed.

“Wait, what?” he asked. “Pakistan?”

“Yeah, SHIELD wants us to go there to stop some kind of dangerous drug dealer.” She said it like it was the most casual thing in the world for a fifteen year old to be sent internationally to stop dangerous drug dealers. What if something happened to her?

“That’s dangerous, Nat. You’ve never gone on a international mission before.” She could probably handle herself, but what if she couldn’t. What if something went wrong? _Not again_ were the two words that spooked in his mind.

“There’s got to be a first time for everything. We can handle ourselves,” she said with way more confidence than he could possibly summon.

“Who’s ‘we’?” he asked.

“Oh, just me and Clint,” she said casually. “Don’t worry he’s got my back.”

Steve didn’t doubt that for a minute. Clint and Nat always had each other’s backs. He didn’t worry about that, he did, however, worry about something else. “You two have been kind of close lately, haven’t you?”

“Uhm… I mean, yeah I guess. He’s my best friend.” Maybe he was just imagining things, nothing had ever happened between them in his timeline, so why would now be different? After a slightly awkward moment of silence, Natasha opened her mouth again. “So… can I go?”

Steve let out a deep sigh. “Okay,” he complied. “As long as you stay safe.”

“Don’t worry dad, I will,” she replied while going in for a hug.

“But what about your birthday? You’ll be turning sixteen in two days,” he whispered to her, sadly, during their hug.

“Just give me my present when I come home,” she said smiling. He smiled back at her, because he couldn’t resist her smile. However, inside he was breaking apart, he was supposed to tell her at her sixteenth birthday. And of course this would be her first birthday she spent without him since he had rescued her from the Red Room.

Maybe he should just tell her now. “Natasha, before you leave… I just need to tell-” He couldn’t finish his sentence. How the heck was he going to bring this?

“Hmm? What?” she asked curiously.

“Uhm… I just want to tell… you to be careful,” he said, cowering away from actually telling her. He was going to regret that.

“Of course, dad,” she promised. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He gave her one last hug before she left the house to wait for a car of SHIELD to arrive. Steve went back to bed, imagining all the possible ways for this to go wrong. What if she never made it back? After that, there was only one thought on his mind. _I should have told her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! What do you guys think about Clintasha? I absolutely love their amazing friendship in the MCU, but I don't see them as lovers. I can see them having had a fling in the past though.  
> Let me know what you guys think!  
> PS: I promise that you'll finally get the Steve and Natasha talk about the future, in the next chapter! I've made you all wait long enough hehe ;p


	9. An Honest Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This is by far the longest chapter (almost 4500 words), to think that I first planned on doing this one and the previous chapter in just one chapter hahaha. You'll just have to bear with me through the first part of this chapter. This second part is something that I know the most of you have been waiting for, so I hope that doesn't disappoint. Above all, remember this still is a Romanogers fic, so don't give up on me yet! Without further ado, I hope you'll enjoy it!

**November 21 st, 2000**

“So, this will be our room,” Clint said while dropping his bag. They had gotten to Pakistan safely .

Natasha scanned the room with the intention of detecting surveillance tech, but her eyes immediately fell on the bed. “There’s only one bed,” she stated.

“Well,” he began. “I don’t really mind. I’m not sleeping on the couch, anyway.”

She laughed shortly. “I don’t really want to sleep there either. But I don’t want Bobbi to kill me once I get home.” Sure, she wouldn’t mind sleeping in the same bed as Clint. Not at all. However, she wouldn’t want it like this.

“She won’t mind,” he assured her somewhat awkwardly. Of course it was awkward to sleep in the same bed as your best friend. Especially when said friend was of the opposite gender.

Natasha didn’t feel the need to react to that, she just tossed her bag on the bed and went on to search for hidden cameras. Luckily, she couldn’t find any.

“It’s clear,” she told him.

“Then let’s discusses our options,” he suggested.

“Based on our intel they’ll transport the drugs somewhere in the afternoon. If we could hijack the truck…” she began.

“I can distract them by firing one of my shock arrows at the truck’s front window. Then if you could somehow enter the truck and take out the guys inside of it…” he added.

“In that case we shouldn’t target the truck in the city. We need to find the quietest point, otherwise we’d risk the lives of innocent civilians.” The safety of innocents was always SHIELD’s priority.

He nodded in agreement. “According to this,” he said while showing her a map of the truck’s supposed route. He pointed at one point of the route. “The truck will most likely drive over this road alongside the meadow, it’d be the best place to strike.”

“What if our intel isn’t correct? How do we know for sure that the truck will pass by this point?” she asked. This plan would all be for nothing if the truck wouldn’t even drive there.

“The answer is: we don’t. Our intel could be wrong. That’s just a risk we gotta take.” His words were rational, this whole thing was based on intel. Maybe the drug dealer wasn’t even going to be in Pakistan, that was just another risk they needed to take. She nodded at him, signaling her agreement.

“So we’ll go to that point, you’ll distract them and I’ll take them out after I enter the truck,” she summarized.

“How will you enter?”

“I’ll ride next to the truck on a motorcycle and then I’ll just hop in,” she said with confidence.

“You know how to ride a motorcycle? They ain’t taught you that at SHIELD, did they?” he asked confused. Now that she thought about it, it was kind of weird that SHIELD had never taught them to. They had learned to drive trucks, but not motorcycles for some reason.

“My dad taught me,” she explained. “But I have learned the foundations of it at the Red Room. Seven years old is clearly old enough to ride,” she added sarcastically.

He chuckled a little at that. “Okay then that’s our plan. Pack everything we need,” he commanded. “We’ll leave in an hour.”

 

As Natasha rode to the location of their plan, with Clint on the back of her motorcycle, she asked the question she had been meaning to ask for a few weeks. “How’s Bobbi doing? I haven’t seen her lately.”

She could clearly hear him swallow, before he spoke. “We broke up.”

Natasha suddenly braked, not really because they actually arrived at their destination, but more because of the bomb that Clint just dropped. She didn’t exactly know what to feel, besides the obvious shock. In all honesty, she hadn’t seen this coming. She poured out a lot of questions at Clint as they got off the motorcycle. “Wait. You what? How? When?”

“I messed up,” he said sadly after which he sighed deeply. “I messed up real bad.”

“What happened?” she asked, more concerned than curious.

He looked her in the eyes and she knew that he wasn’t going to make up some excuse. He would tell her the truth, no matter whether he truly wanted it or not. “I… I got her pregnant.”

Natasha did everything thing she could to not gasp loudly and luckily she somehow succeeded. She couldn’t really pinpoint what she thought of it. “What is she going to do with it?” she asked as calmly as she could, trying not to sound judgmental.

“She’s got rid of it,” he said with a heavy voice and probably a heavy heart as well. “Her parents are very religious. They were extremely disappointed in her and were against abortion. She did it anyway and even though they had threatened to kick her out if she were to actually go for that option, they luckily never did.” Some parents could be so cold, sure her father would be disappointed too. But kicking her out? He would never do or threaten to do such a thing. “As for me though,” Clint continued. “I’m never welcome there anymore. They would only accept me if I had married her. But she… she didn’t wanna. Not that I blame her.”

“I’m so sorry Clint. That sucks. But would you have like actually married her?” she asked, feeling that would be a bit of an exaggeration.

“If it would have saved her all that trouble? Definitely. I got her in that mess in the first place,” he said sincerely, she could tell that. There were no signs of lies in his eyes. She respected him for that, wanting to take such a big step as marriage in order to help her make the best of the situation.

She grasped his hand to comfort him. “It’s not all your fault, Clint. She should have looked out too.” It wasn’t fair to him that he was putting all the blame on himself.

“She didn’t get herself pregnant, Nat. This one’s on me.” She looked for tears in his eyes, but she couldn’t find any, she went in for a hug regardless.

“Are you sure you’re up for the mission?” she asked out of concern.

He nodded at her in confirmation. “I am. It’s been weeks. I’ll be fine.” After they broke apart she got on her motorcycle again and rode back into town to follow the drug truck later that day. Jesus, this was some heavy shit which Clint was dealing with. But it had been weeks, why had he never told her before? Maybe he felt as if it would make him a lesser person, maybe he felt guilty and therefore he wouldn’t tell her? What did it matter anyway? She just hoped that he would be able to concentrate on their mission.

Then she saw the truck that she was waiting for, passing by at a somewhat to high speed. Their target. It disappeared out of her vision as she hopped on her motorcycle and went in pursuit. After what felt like no time at all, the drug truck came back into her vision. All she had to do now was to chase the truck until their chosen location where they would begin their strike. It took twenty minutes or so for her and the truck to reach the road alongside the meadow. Natasha snapped out of all her thoughts concerning Clint and Bobbi to gain some focus. It felt so amazing to just let go of everything and to be able to fully concentrate on that what mattered most. Her mission.

Fortunately, she had kept her distance from the truck as she and Clint had planned, because the shock-emitting arrow connecting with the truck’s front window caused it to sway to the other side of the road, in a surprise reaction of the driver. The truck drove into the railway next to the road, which was not exactly as what they had planned, but it enabled both Natasha and Clint to enter the truck. Using the tough heel of her boot, Natasha kicked in the window of the door on the driver’s side, with a jumping karate kick. The driver was too surprised at the sudden attack to dodge her incoming punch, which knocked him down into his chair.

The man who had just been sitting in the passengers seat reached for a gun. Natasha efficiently dodged the shot by ducking to her knees and sheltering behind the door on the driver’s side. She placed an attachable bomb on the door and made a swift roll to the backside of the truck, before setting it off. The small explosion blasted the door inside the car, knocking out the second man in the process. She entered through the now non-existing door, only to see a grumpy Clint gently open the other door.

“Instead of you know, blowing the entirety of the door up. You could’ve just waited for me to destabilize their security system. I have arrows just for that purpose!” She could tell that he was slightly annoyed by her lack of caution but more so amused. He wasn’t mad at her, he just liked to give her a little mentor rant.

She smiled teasingly apologetically.  “Sorry.”

“Have you like not left any of them for me?” he said while checking and confirming that there were indeed no other men in the truck than the two which she had just knocked out.

“It’s not my fault that your arrow took so long. You were just too slow,” she teased with a grin on her face to which he responded with a fake laugh. They dumped the unconscious bodies of the men in the back of the truck alongside the stored drugs.

“Anyway,” he said, switching back to being serious as they got into the front of the truck. “Let’s get this truck to Pakistan’s SHIELD base. C’mon let me drive.”

“I can drive just fine in a truck. Perhaps even better than you,” she said not understanding why Clint felt the need to take the pleasure of driving in a truck filled with drugs away from her.

“You need to be 18 to drive here. Let’s not try and get into trouble with the local authorities.” Before she could speak up to his rather logical argument he cheekily added: “Besides, you ain’t deserve no reward for blowing up the door. We’re gonna stand out like crazy!”

She agreed after sighing and switched places with him. “Then don’t waist any more time and get to driving.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said mockingly as he always did when she took charge. He had authority in name, but they always operated as equals, as the friends they were.

 

Natasha dropped on her bed, the moment they entered their room after they had delivered the drugs to SHIELD. She was quite tired, but the way she had let herself fall on the bed was kind of exaggerated. It made Clint laugh, which tugged the corners of her mouth up into a smile. “We did it,” she said contently.

“We did,” he agreed while pulling something out of his bag lying on the floor. It turned out to be a wine bottle. As he saw her staring at the bottle he grinned. “A little something to celebrate it,” he clarified, holding the thing up in the air to give her a better look.

After drinking a glass each, they decided to have a little fun. They were already lying in bed as Clint got the idea. “What’d you think of a little drinking game?”

“Ooh I’d love to,” she said genuinely. Then she got a smirk on her face. “Though before you do, could you please come under the covers. Instead of lying on top of them with like no shame at all?”

“Don’t like the sight?” he asked, pretending to be hurt. She couldn’t say she didn’t. Clint was certainly muscular and this wasn’t the first time that she had seen him in just his boxer shorts. Though this time, something was different. Felt different.

She smiled at him. “Maybe you’re right. It’s getting bloody hot beneath these covers anyway,” she said while throwing the covers off herself, exposing her near-naked body. She didn’t feel _that_ exposed though. Maybe that was because of the alcohol, or because Clint had seen her like that numerous times before. He looked kind of surprised, like he hadn’t though that she would be so bold. “What game do you want to play?”

“How about…” he took a slight pause, building up the tension, “Never have I ever.”

“ _Yes_.”

Their game started out innocent enough, however, that soon changed as the alcohol levels in their blood kept rising. They went from somewhat tipsy to kind of drunk. It was probably the wine’s doing – or well mostly the wine’s doing – when she felt daring enough to say: “Never have I ever slept with someone.” It was especially daring given the fact that they were both lying on a bed _together_ in only their underwear.

“That’s not fair!” he complained after chuckling. “You know I have!”

“What can I say?” she teased. “I just wanted you to drink.”

She laughed as he smiled before taking another sip. “So that’s how it is, huh? Then, I’m gonna return the favor.”

“Oh boy,” she muttered with obviously fake concern.

“Never have I ever kissed a guy,” he said in a teasing manner after which he looked at her expecting her to drink. She didn’t drink. “Drink!” he demanded laughingly.

“I… I haven’t,” she confessed.

He stared at her in disbelief. “Really?” Natasha felt her cheeks growing lightly and their conversation turned into a slightly awkward silence before he lightened the mood with a cheeky remark. “Never took you for a lesbian.”

He smirked at her and for that alone he already deserved the pillow smack that hit his face. “I’m not gay,” she said while hitting his side with the pillow with each syllable she pronounced, before sighing deeply. “I just haven’t kissed anyone. Not yet”

“Why not? You’re beautiful,” he admitted while leaning in a little closer. She could tell that he was being sincere. A hundred thoughts shot through her head as her eyes were roaming over his almost naked body. She thought about how they had been _just_ friends for so long, how all the girls had teased her about liking him and how she denied all of it. She thought about Bobbi and her pregnancy, about the late night calls she had had with Clint recently, when Bobbi had been out of the picture. Her eyes roamed over him, from his underwear to his six-pack, to his chin, to his lips – which she had never looked at in such detail before – and her eyes eventually settled on his bright eyes.

What was probably no more than a second, felt like ages, especially with him staring right back at her, letting his eyes roam over her body and finally meeting her eyes. She leaned in further. The only word for her to accurately describe this moment was _intense_.

Natasha hadn’t expected herself to be the one to break their nerve-wracking stare, by meeting his lips with hers. At first she thought that he was going to pull back, but he didn’t. He deepened their kiss instead. He rolled her over so that she was now lying on top of him. When she grabbed his shoulders firmly, she felt his hands roaming over her back, eventually on her ass.

Natasha wasn’t really sure what this would mean for their friendship (or possibly relationship) in the future. There was only one thing she was certain of. _This is gonna be one hell of a birthday night._

 

* * *

 

**November 23 rd, 2000**

For like the hundredth time at that night, Steve looked at the clock. Already past 2.30 a.m.. She had texted him earlier.

_Don’t worry, Dad. It’s probably gonna get late tho_

He hadn’t thought _late_ meant past 2.30 a.m., but he was clearly wrong. Feeling worried, he decided to text her.

_Is everything okay? How late is ‘late’?_

His worries only got worse when she still hadn’t replied after almost an hour. So he decided to call her. Fortunately, that did reach her. Albeit after more than half a minute.

“Dad?” she asked, sounding surprised. “Are you still up?”

“Hey, Nat. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah of course. Clint’s giving me a ride home, we’re almost there.” He allowed himself to sigh out of relief. “I had texted that it was going to get late, right? Or didn’t I?”

“I hadn’t thought _late_ to mean half past three,” he clarified.

He could hear her sigh on the other side. “I’m sorry, dad. I should have been more specific. But, have I ever told you that you worry too much?”

He chuckled. “Often enough, I’m afraid.”

“See you soon then,” Natasha said, probably wanting to end their conversation.

“I love you, bye,” he said, but he could already her a beep. She had already hung up, before he could get those last words through.

Natasha was relying on him less and less as she got older. He knew that was supposed to be a good thing, because she couldn’t be dependent on him for all her life. Even though he wanted her to.

After what felt like forever, he heard a car. He ran to the door and got a last glimpse of a waving Clint as he drove off to his own place. Natasha came running up to him with a huge smile on her face, though he could see that she was already tired. Too tired for a serious conversation anyway. That would have to wait for tomorrow. And there he was going again, postponing _the talk_.

She all but jumped into his arms, giving him a warm and definitely welcome embrace. “So how was it? Your first mission.”

Her smile got even brighter, greatly overshadowing the tiredness in her eyes. “Wonderful,” she said, breaking their embrace. “Being able to do something good like that, was amazing. It makes me believe, that maybe I’m still a good person after all.” He could swear that her eyes got a little glassy at those last words.

He pulled her back in, for another hug. “You _are_ a good person. You’ve always been,” he assured her, hoping to get the message through this time.

“Thanks, dad.” She smiled sweetly, before yawning. “Maybe we should get some sleep. Then I can talk all about the mission tomorrow.”

“Not so fast,” he said, not being able to conceal the smile on his face. “You didn’t think you could get away without receiving your birthday gift, now did you?”

She chuckled at that and he led her to their garage. “We are we going to the garage? You’ve never hidden my presents there before.”

“You’ll see soon enough,” he replied in a mysterious manner.

When he opened the garage door and switched on the lights, she gasped in amazement. Which was something that he would remember til the day he died.

“Is that for me?” she asked, while pointing at the new motorcycle in the garage, apparently not believing her own eyes. It was a beautiful, yet cool looking black sports bike with red accents. The look in Natasha’s eyes was more than enough for him to understand that this was the best birthday gift she had ever gotten.

“For who else would it be?” he asked rhetorically. “Happy birthday, Nat.”

“Thank you so fucking much!” she excitedly sad as she jumped in his arms.

“Language,” he whispered, before giving her a forehead kiss.

 

“Where’s mother?” Natasha asked as she poured him some orange juice and herself a glass of milk for breakfast.

“At Edith’s,” he answered at which she raised an eyebrow. “Ed apparently wanted to introduce his first girlfriend.” Edward was about the same age as Natasha, though she had luckily never brought a guy home.

“Good for him,” she said, smiling. “So are we going there? He’s my nephew after all and not to mention, your grandson.”

“We can go there later today if you want.” Her smile told him she indeed wanted that. “But first,… I need to tell you something.” Now that he had said those words, there was no going back. No cowering away this time.

“What is it?”

He sighed. “You’ve always wondered why I kept my identity a secret. I promised I’d tell you. I’m telling you today.” Her eyes shone with curiosity, almost begging for him to continue. “But first you eat your peanut butter sandwich. We’ll talk after breakfast.”

“You mean after lunch,” she commented cheekily. “It’s way to late to still call this breakfast.” They had both been too tired to wake up before midday. So she was right, this was hardly breakfast anymore.

“Yes, after lunch,” he replied, sounding more confidently than he felt.

He had never seen Natasha eat as fast as she was now doing. He grew more nervous by the minute. How was he going to bring this?

A few minutes later, when they both had finished, he was cleaning the table as slowly as he could without it being too obvious that he was stalling. She, however, didn’t buy his crap at all, and cleaned everything swifter than he had ever seen her do before. She looked at him expectantly after that and so he sat down on the couch, patting next to him, as if asking her to sit next to him, which she did.

“So…” he began after which he took a deep sigh. “I… I…  Where the fuck do I begin?”

“Language,” she muttered with a smirk on her pretty face.

“The truth is,… Captain America _did_ sink into the ice. As a matter of fact, he… he’s still in the ice.” He stuttered a bit.

“What do you mean? You’re not Captain America?” There were many emotions visible on her face. Confusion being the most prominent among them. She also looked somewhat shocked and then betrayed. “Did you lie to me all my life?”

“No… I mean yes. Uhm… sort of. Not about everything, Nat. I _am_ Captain America, just not the same one.”

She shifted so she sat a little farther away from him. “Then which one are you?” she asked, not looking like she was buying anything of it.

He sighed. “Okay this is going to sound like a bunch of bullshit, but it’s not… I’m not from this timeline, Nat. I come from… from the future of another timeline,” he explained as calmly as he could.

“You better tell me now if this is part of some bad joke of yours. Cause it’s not funny at all,” she said all but angrily. “I thought this was gonna be a serious conversation, not you coming up with a lame-ass excuse."

“It’s not a joke, I swear. This _is_ serious.” Natasha looked like she could stand up and run away every second now. So he reached for her wrist before she actually could. “Natasha, please. Just hear me out okay? I know this sounds crazy, but tell me, when have I ever been a liar?"

She sat down again and sighed. “I don’t know anymore." she said. "But if you’re serious then why are you only telling it me now?” She had a point in that, why did he wait so long anyway. Probably mostly because telling your adopted daughter that you had known and loved her before, was kind of difficult.

“Because it’s hard for me to tell you,” he admitted. “I wanted to wait until you turned sixteen. Even though I know for sure you could have handled it earlier.”

“God, you are serious,” she suddenly stated with glassy eyes after a short silence and he could feel tears springing into his own eyes as well.

“Yeah,” he said somewhat sadly. “Will you here your old man out?”

She nodded, placing her hand over his. “Of course, dad.”

“Okay…” he replied. “It all began when I sacrificed myself by crashing the Valkyrie into an ice field. I woke up 66 years later in New York. In the year 2011.” She gasped but didn’t remove her hand. Instead she grabbed his hand firmly. “I had to learn how to live in the future, a totally different society. I joined a team called the Avengers and together we saved the world numerous times.” Her eyes shone up in amazement at the mention of saving the world. “For our last mission, we figured out time travel. After saving the world for a final time, after I had lost so _so_ much, I decided to go back in time, to experience the years I missed. To make this timeline a better timeline than the one I’m from.”

She hugged him. He was surprised but of course he hugged her back. “You knew me,” she suddenly stated. “Didn’t you?” She had always been perceptive, so her guessing this shouldn’t have caught him off guard as much as it did. He nodded at her with lightly glowing cheeks. “That’s why you rescued me.” She saw right through him and his motives, as she always had.

“Yeah, I couldn’t let you go through all of that. Not again”

“What was I like?” she asked, seeming incredibly curious of what he had thought of her. She always sought his approval.

“You were the bravest person I’ve ever known. Gentle. Funny. Intelligent. Cunning yet sweet. But above all, you were kind. I’ve never met anyone with as big of a heart.” Suddenly the words came rolling right out of him so easily, as he let his heart do the talking.

“You loved me,” she said, just as perceptive as Peggy had been when he had first told her about his timeline’s Natasha.

He chuckled. “That obvious?”

“You’re not the hardest man to read,” she replied barely able to hold back her laugh. Then her face began serious again, though he could she that her beautiful green eyes were shining. “Did the other me love you back?”

“I don’t know,” he answered sincerely. “I never got around to actually tell her. Not before she… before you died.” The memory immediately brought tears back to his eyes.

“Hey,” she said in a comforting manner, still holding his hand. “I’m not gone. I’m right here.”

“I know,” he said while pulling her in for another hug.

After they broke apart she spoke up. “Dad?”

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“I’m sure I loved you.” She always managed to tug him at his heartstrings. “And even if the other me didn’t, back then. _I_ do. I love you, more than anyone.”

He gave her a kiss on the crown of her head. “I love you too, Nat.” Sure, it was a different kind of love that he felt for her this time, but love regardless. Not less powerful in any way. He liked to think that they were destined to find love, one way or another.

“So there’s another you in this timeline?” she asked out of curiosity.

And he knew right then and there, that maybe their love had another chance after all. Sometimes love just needs a different dimension – or in this case a different timeline. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me know what you guys think!  
> This is still a Romanogers fic, despite what it might look like right now. I do not ship Clintasha romantically, Natasha is meant for Steve, just throwing it out there, before you'all start to worry.  
> PS: I said a few chapters ago that I would do this fic in 11 chapters plus epilogue, but I'm never going to make it in such a little amount of chapters. I don't know exactly how long it will still be, let's just say I'm not the best in guessing how long chapters will be :)


	10. Soulmates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This is the tenth chapter! The chapters always turn out so much longer than intended, so I'm splitting up another one haha. I hope you'll enjoy it!

**November 23 rd, 2000**

“So there’s another you in this timeline?” Natasha asked out of curiosity. She could tell that her father was being sincere about this. About all of this. And if she had understood him correctly, then there was a younger version of him, out there somewhere.

“Yeah, but he’s still under the ice somewhere. I’ve searched for him… for me. But I couldn’t find me, no matter were I looked. I guess it’s destiny, we’ll just have to wait until 2011.” There was a moment when she considered the possibility of him not saving himself, just so that he could live his life with Peggy without interference from the him of this timeline. Though, after what he just said, she threw that ridiculous idea out of the window. He wouldn’t do such a thing, he had always put others before himself, that was something she admired about him.

“That’s still a pretty damn long time to wait,” she simply said. She couldn’t wait to meet another version of him.

“Eleven years,” he clarified. “I’ve given up searching after Edith was born in 1950. Been waiting for 50 years, so what’s another eleven?” It made perfect sense to her for him to give up searching after he had gotten a new priority in his live, a child. But she… she had no such priorities.

“I’m not giving up,” she stated. “Once I graduate as a Special Agent, I’m going to look for you.”

He smiled at her. “I appreciate the thought. Unfortunately, I don’t think they’ll let you choose your own missions. The whole world thinks Captain America is dead, why would anyone go looking for him?” His voice sounded sad, but what he said was the reality. The truth could be cold sometimes.

“Well, all I’d need is some believers. Maybe Agent Coulson? He would be through the moon if I told him there was a chance for his lifetime idol to be alive.”

That caused him to chuckle. Poor Coulson. Pretending to be Joseph Wilson and thereby lying to him, was probably kind of hard for her father seeing Coulson was such a fan.

After a short silence, Natasha spoke up again. “Seeing as you knew me… are there any others who you’ve met again?” There weren’t any others who he had taken in, but she was curious nonetheless.

“Tony,” he said. She had seen Tony quite a few times and her father had always been somewhat affectionate with him. “I knew Tony as well. His parents had died in December 1991, so when Maria and Howard survived that day, I thought they’d be safe, you know.” He sighed deeply, before continuing: “Turned out they died 8 years later, regardless. I tried to make this timeline a better world than mine, but that… that showed me that perhaps that wasn’t possible.” Even though it was kind of hard for her to wrap her head around all of this, she still felt sorry for her father. But he had accomplished so much. She hated to think about what her life would’ve become if it weren’t for him.

“Eight years, is still a change,” she said, looking on the bright side of things. “I don’t like to think about having spend more years at the Red Room. You may not have saved Tony’s parents from dying, but you saved me from a few miserable years.”

“I wish I could have also saved you in my timeline.” He tried to conceal the obvious sadness in his voice, to no avail. 

She gasped, everything felt in place. He'd mentioned that she was dead and that he had loved her. “You traveled back, because I died.”

She saw tears appear in the corners of his eyes. She must have hit a sour spot, she could tell that he had cared for her very much, cause even after all those years the memory caused tears. “That’s what I fear the most. If it all boils down to destiny in the end, then what can I do to stop it all from happening again?” She didn’t say anything, she just grabbed hold of his hand again. Actions like that usually gave more comfort than words anyway. “I can’t lose you, Nat. Not again.”

“I won’t go anywhere,” she assured him, before sighing. “I’m just curious as to how I died. Maybe I can prevent it from happening when I know.” She wouldn’t want him to go through all of that again.

He shook his head. “No. I fear telling you will cause the opposite. If you’re too busy preventing, you’ll just jinx it. However," he took a pause before continuing. "Your sacrifice allowed trillions to live. Even though I wasn’t there, I could tell you were the bravest until the very end.” She smiled slightly at those words.  “That was the only comfort Clint could give me, when he returned without you.”

“Clint?” she asked surprised. “You knew him too?” She hadn’t seen that coming, she wondered why he didn’t tell that sooner, seeing he did mention Tony, especially, because he knew that she was closer with Clint that she had ever been with Tony.

“Yeah I did. He was a friend,” he stated. Clint was her friend too, although she didn’t know what exactly they were now. Maybe her father could help in clearing that up. They had been on good terms the day after, but it didn’t escape her that he had acted slightly awkward after their night.

“In the future…” she began. “How are things between me and him?” She just hoped that they wouldn’t be avoiding each other completely as the result of a bad break-up in their teens.

He smiled. “He still is your best friend.” She tried to not let any of her emotions show, that was easy enough seeing she herself didn’t even know what exactly she felt at his statement. Relief? Disappointment? Maybe both. “Though when I first met you and him, I thought you guys were dating. Silly of me, I know.” Natasha didn’t feel the need to react she tried to smile at him, but unfortunately, her smile came out as rather awkward. He seemed to notice that. “Why are you asking? Did something happen between you and him?”

She just shook her head, sticking to denial, mostly because if she didn’t even know were she and Clint were at, how would she be able to tell father?. “Of course not. It’s like you said we’re best friends.” After that she efficiently switched the subject, a little smirk appearing on her face. “Shall we go? I kind of want to know what girl would be crazy enough to put up with Ed.”

He chuckled at that, but he didn’t buy the switch of the subject as easily as she had hoped. “Luckily you aren’t crazy enough to put up with some guy.” She smiled back at him. However, she could tell from his eyes that he wasn’t as dense as she sometimes thought – or wanted him to be. He was onto her.

* * *

 

**November 24 th, 2000**

Natasha put on her coat and packed some of her stuff into her black and red bag. Clint had texted her, that he wanted to talk, probably about their night together. She thought that normally any teenage girl would have dreaded to see those words from a guy. But she was Natasha Romanoff, not some silly schoolgirl with a crush. She viewed her hookup as just that, a hookup. And she was not about to let years of friendship go to waste over something like that. Besides, she had more important things on her mind at the moment.

“Were are you going?” It was her mother’s voice. There wasn’t any sternness in it, just curiosity.

“To Clint’s.” She feared that she had said that somewhat to casually so she added: “I just need to figure some things out.”

“He told you, didn’t he?” She asked looking a bit proud. Then, Natasha realized that her mother was speaking about what his father had told her yesterday. “Are you okay?” She wondered if her mother knew about the fact that her father had had feelings for her in another timeline. It might’ve been easier for him to keep that silent. But then again, even if he hadn’t directly told her mother, she knew. Her mother had always been perceptive, just like her. He couldn’t have hid it from her, even if he tried. “I know it’s a lot to swallow. It wasn’t easy for me either.”

“Thanks, mother. I’m okay,” she said calmly.

“Are you?” her mother asked, seemingly doubting it. “You haven’t slept at all, poor thing.” Natasha had hoped that her makeup would remove all the traces of the bags under her eyes, apparently not.

“I’m fine,” she insisted. “It just like you said. It’s a lot to swallow.” Of course last night had been sleepless for her, how could it not have been? She felt like all of her life had somehow been a lie, everything she thought to know about her father, thrown out of the window with just a few words. He was still the same person, she thought. Still the same person who she’d grown to love so much.

“Come here,” her mother said, pulling her in for a hug. “He loves you, with all of his heart. As much as Michael and Edith. Adopted or not, you’ll always be a real daughter to us.” Those words hit her heart. She always searched for a place to feel like somewhere she could belong. Here, she had finally found it.

“I love you guys too,” she admitted. “You _are_ my real family.”

After that, she told her mother goodbye and hopped on her brand new motorcycle, to pay Clint a visit. He lived at his apartment in SHIELD HQ, as he was an orphan, having lost his parents in a car accident in his youth. Natasha knocked on the front of his door.

“Hey,” he greeted her as he opened the door. “Come in.” She had been here often enough, mostly because she didn’t have her own apartment here, still sharing her room with Sharon. Privacy was something that they usually appreciated when planning missions and hanging out.

She took a seat on his bed and stared up to him, curious as to what he was going to say. He placed a chair - for him to sit on - right in front of her. “So…” he awkwardly began. “Natasha I… I just wanted to…-”

“It didn’t work for you,” she stated, interrupting his stuttering mess of an explanation. “It’s okay,” she assured him.

“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I… after we had, you know… after I had some time to think about it I… I just don’t want you to be just a rebound. You deserve more than that. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Clint,” she assured him, while reaching for his hand.

“You’re not mad at me? Or sad or something?” he asked surprised, as if he didn’t know that she was not some silly high school girl who was head over heels in love.

She shook her head. “Love is for children,” she muttered. “I’m not some fragile girl, who’s heart is broken, you know.”

“Natasha…, I’ve known you longer than today. You’ve always been good at concealing your emotions. That doesn’t mean you don’t have any. You have any right to be mad. I just messed up, like I always end up doing.” It was touching that he at least cared for her enough, to give her a real sincere apology, but he kind of missed the point. There was no apology needed.

“You don’t have to apologize Clint. I’m not ready for anything like emotional attachment either. I’m not the girl for something like that. Romantic love, that doesn’t exist, not for me.” She didn’t believe in love like that, her love was reserved for her family alone.  

“Do you really not believe in any of that?” He asked, looking skeptical. “I would want you to be happy, Nat. Above all, you’re still the best friend I’ve ever had. This doesn’t have to change any of that.” She felt relief at those words, she couldn’t bear to lose him as a friend.

“I feel the same way. I want you to be happy, just not with me. I don’t want to give up on our friendship.” Clint was her best friend, nothing could ever change that.

“So you can forgive me? And you’re okay with going back to being friends?” She saw traces of his smile as he asked those questions.

“There’s nothing to forgive. Besides, I did enjoy it,” she said, smiling. No love didn’t mean no desire, their night had been fun although she didn’t remember all of it, probably because of the one too many glasses of wine.

“Me too,” he agreed returning her smile.

“I’m just not looking for love,” she said. “So best friends it is, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a huge smile on his face and he pulled her in for hug. “C’mere.” This friendship was more beautiful than a relationship could ever be.

“One day…” she began as they broke their embrace, “I’m finding you a girl, who’s willing to put up with your shit.” She was teasing of course, despite Clint’s flaws, any girl would be lucky to have him. Not her though.

“Thanks, Nat,” he replied, looking happy about how things turned out. “I’m counting on it. And as always I’m gonna return the favor. I’m going to find a guy whose shit you are willing to put up with.”

“Hopefully not too soon,” she grinned. She didn’t know if she’d ever want to dedicate herself to someone else like that. She’d rather keep all her love reserved for her father and her family.

 

* * *

 

**December 18 th, 2000**

“So are you inviting Clint over this year?” Peggy asked at dinner. Steve let out a sigh, feeling like he wanted to put those words right back in his wife’s mouth, so that they’d never have been spoken.

“Why would I invite him over for Christmas?” Natasha asked, she’d never invited any of her friends. Christmas was something which they celebrated with her family. Though boy- and girlfriends were always welcome to join them, and Peggy and him were quite certain that there was something going on between Natasha and Clint.

He looked at Peggy, his eyes almost begging her to shut up about it and just leave it at that, but she ignored him. “Oh I just thought that you two have been very close lately. You call him so often and you’re going on missions together all the time. I had just assumed that…”

“No… no mother it’s not like that. We’re just uhm…” she began, taking some time to think before actually continuing. “Friends. We’re friends.” He had questioned her about it before, when she’d asked what would become of them in the future, but she denied it then and she denied it now. Maybe there was really nothing going on, maybe him and Peggy were just imagining things.

“Okay, dear,” his wife said. “But remember, you can talk about anything to us. Anything.” Her words were sweet, he loved the fact that Peggy got along with Natasha instead of resenting her because of how he felt about her. When Natasha looked his way, he nodded, agreeing with what his wife had just said.

“I know,” she said gratefully, then she cleared her throat, like she was ready, but scared to admit something. “Clint and I… we spent a night together, well some nights. But were not like actually in a relationship, you know. We’re just friends.” Steve didn’t really know how to feel about that, he had suspected something to be going on, so at least it didn’t come as a shock to him. To what extent was ‘spend a night with’ though?

Natasha looked at him, like she was expecting some sort of permission or disapproval from him. “Okay,” he simply said, sounding way calmer than how he felt. “So…” he began awkwardly, cause he was kind of curious. “What exactly do you mean by ‘spent a night-”

“She means like casual sex, Steve,” Peggy suddenly said, interrupting him. Even at almost eighty years old she made quite the daring statements. Natasha hadn’t actually meant sex, had she? More like some innocent making out or something, right? His wife’s eyes told him, that he could have been - should have been able to guess that as well.

“Mom!” Natasha shouted embarrassed, with red glowing cheeks. Steve didn’t really know if that meant that Peggy’s statement was correct, or utterly false. She would have probably reacted like that either way.

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of, darling,” Peggy assured her. Though that didn’t really help. Despite everything he thought he knew about Natasha, sometimes he just forgot that she was just a teenage girl, dealing with teenage hormones. Of course she wouldn’t be comfortable talking about things like this. Hell, even he didn’t really and he was over 90 years old.

She clearly had enough of this conversation. “It’s none of your business anyway,” she said while shoving her seat backwards so she could stand up and storm off to her room. Before she left she muttered something along the lines ‘I should’ve never even brought that up.’

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Peggy said as soon as Natasha was away. “I hadn’t thought she’d react like that. I didn’t think she’d be embarrassed of such a thing. I don't think I've ever seen her as embarrassed.”

“She’s just a girl, Peg. Just try to be less… direct.” He sighed. “I’ll go talk to her, it’ll be fine.” Peggy wasn’t shy to say what was on her mind and he admired her for it, but sometimes he wished she wouldn’t.

“Steve,” she called after him. “Be gentle, with her. It was my fault, not hers.” He nodded at her, with a small smile on his face. She cared for Natasha as well, perhaps not as much as he did, but she loved her nonetheless, like she was their own daughter.

As Steve walked up to Natasha’s room, he saw that her door wasn’t even closed. Normally, if she were really angry, she’d shut and lock it. “Can I come in?” He asked when her eyes met his. She sat on her bed, hands clamping the side of it and nodded as a sign of approval. So he stepped in. “She didn’t mean to offend or embarrass you,” he said, apologizing on his wife’s behalf, as he joined her on the bed, sitting beside her.

“I know,” she said. “And I didn’t mean to react so harshly.” He could tell that she felt sincerely bad for that.

“It’s okay,” he said, accepting her apology. “No child wants to talk to their parents about their sex life.”

She looked at him, a serious look on her face. “I’m not a child anymore. I just… I don’t want you to be disappointed in me.” She smiled bitterly at those last words.

“Why would we be disappointed?” he asked, not understanding where the hell she’d gotten that idea.

Her eyes met his and she gasped. “You don’t disapprove?” Her eyes were hopeful.

“Of what?”

“You know… casual sex and all that,” she said, looking like she wanted the ground to swallow her up.

“Well,” he began while putting a comforting arm on her back. “It wouldn’t be what I would do. But, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.” He gave her a kiss on the side of her head. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Natasha sighed before nodding so slightly that he could hardly tell if she was nodding at all. “It first began when I turned sixteen. After our mission in Pakistan we drank some wine and…” she swallowed before continuing. “… and then when we were a bit drunk, we began making out and that turned into something more.” She  seemed to be almost ashamed of that. Steve didn’t really like the idea of her and Clint being together, but then again he supposed that he would feel like that no matter the guy. At least Clint was a good man and she deserved to be happy.

He cleared his throat before letting the words out which he didn’t want to say but which she needed to hear. “There’s no need to be ashamed. If he likes you and you like him then what’s the problem?”

“That’s just the problem, dad. I don’t like him. Not like that. After we had our drunk night together, we met up at his apartment and agreed to go back to being friends. Then at the very first mission after that, we… we just did it again. It became a regular thing after that, a way to relieve the tension and stress. We had agreed to be friends even with the sex, but in truth I don’t really know what we are anymore.” She sighed deeply. “It makes everything so complicated.”

Instead of just straight up advising her to stop with it, he sighed and advised her something else. It’s not like he was the one who should decide for her. “Maybe you should just talk to him about it. Voice your concerns and see how he feels about it.”

She sighed again and managed to put on a bit of a smile. “Yeah,” she agreed. Then her smiled turned sad in such a way that Steve would sell his soul to Satan so that she would never have to feel like that again. She gulped, with glassy eyes. “I just feel like a monster. Everybody always seems to have or have had feelings for at least someone in their life and I… I never even felt something remotely close. There hasn’t been a single person in my life, who I would’ve considered committing to.” Her glassy eyes turned to actual tears and without realizing it, he was hugging and shushing her. “At the Red Room they told me that ‘love is for children’. They’ve ruined me. I’m never gonna find love.” Natasha was the most loving person he’d ever met, but she could be a stubborn little brick with a way too low opinion of  herself. She wasn’t a monster, not even close.

He hugged her as tight as he could, without crushing her. “Natasha, look at me.” She shifted her gaze, so that she was now staring right at him. “Love isn’t something that you can force, honey. It just happens. For some it happens easily, for others not. I never knew love either, until I met Peggy and then you. It took me more than twenty years. Don’t give up hope. You’ll find him one day.”

“Who?” she asked while sobbing against his chest.

“Your soulmate. I’ve met mine and so will you.” He was certain of it.

“Thanks, dad,” she whispered, while seeming to luckily have been cheered up a bit.

“Oh and Nat?”

“Yeah?”

“Having a crush or feelings is not the same as love. Most people your age haven’t found love either, they just like to dramatize things.” That earned him a chuckle. She would find love someday, he knew she would. He had found love twice, but only one of them had been his soulmate and that was definitely her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the tenth chapter of this fic! Thanks so much for reading, as always.  
> Let me know what you guys think! Comment and Kudos are always appreciated :)
> 
> PS: This was the last time that you all needed to endure some Clintasha. I had planned on giving that closure in this chapter but yeah then it would have probably turned out to be 6000+ words or so hahaha.  
> PPS: I hope you don't consider the above a spoiler, but I had already said that this would turn out to be a Romanogers fic. I hope you'll get to really get to see that in a few chapters.  
> PPPS: Does anyone know if the term ‘friends with benefits’ was a thing before the movie came out, or did the movie invent the term? I’m not a native english speaker and I kinda want to know whether or not it would be accurate to use the term in this fic, as this takes place before the movie. So thanks in advance if anyone can let me know in the comments! ❤️


	11. Consequences And Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> The new chapter is out. It's the first (and maybe the last) time that I'm dealing with flashbacks, which will be represented by this '~' sign. Just thought that might need some clarification. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

**December 25 th, 2000**

“What’s this?” Natasha asked as she had unwrapped her last Christmas gift. She observed the thing in her hands, it was some sort of book.

“Go ahead,” her father encouraged her. So she opened it and the first thing she saw, was a drawing. There was a beautiful woman visible, sitting on a sofa beside a Christmas tree, one leg over the other, a gorgeous smile on her face. She clamped both of her hands on the seat of the sofa and had pretty hair, falling to her shoulders. Natasha guessed the woman to be around forty years old.

“Who is she?” she asked, while turning to notebook around so her father could see which drawing she was referring to.

“That’s my mother. I took on drawing while I was just a little kid of nine. Before the serum, I usually couldn’t really play outside with the other kids, because of my asthma. So I picked up drawing.” She felt her heart heat up at the sweetness of her father as a kid, trying and definitely succeeding in drawing a nice picture from his mom.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “She’s beautiful.”

“I couldn’t draw like that when I started out. I drew this one on Christmas Eve, in 1934, when I was just sixteen. It was the first sketch that I felt really proud of.” Natasha knew that the mother of her father had died when he was young. This picture must mean a lot to him. “Why don’t you look at my other sketches?” he suggested.

As she looked through the book, she found a lot of different sketches. His mother was visible on quite a few others. She saw Uncle James on a lot of them. She saw a man, bold with no nose – who she recognized as the Red Skull of Hydra – with a cube in hand that looked like it was glowing. Her mother was on most of the sketches, prettier than she had ever seen her. Sure she had seen some photos, but she only knew her mother as more than seventy years old. Then she saw a man in a long-coat with an eye-patch. It was Nick Fury, now the director of SHIELD after Pierce had promoted him sometime ago. On the next page she saw a woman with flowing locks, like hers but with her hair short. She was hanging on what looked like some sort of flying vehicle. She had a tight catsuit on and Natasha found it a pity that only the backside of the woman was drawn.

Her father had taken a seat beside her and stopped her hand from flicking the book to the next page. “That’s you,” he stated. “The first sketch I’ve made of you”

“You’ve made sketches of me?” she asked excitedly, feeling her cheeks glowing up a bit.

“A whole lot more than just this one,” he said, with a smile on his face.

She quickly went through the rest of the book, drawings of her appearing more frequently. “I had a hell of a lot of different hairstyles,” she noted, to which he let out a chuckle. “You aren’t on any of them are you?”

“No,” he confirmed. “I have never drawn myself.”

“Ahw, I want to see what you looked like.”

“Well, I had a beard when I drew this one of you,” he said while touching the drawing of her, with light and short straight her.

“I have never actually seen you without it,” she stated, getting a smirk on her face. “I have seen it change color though.” When she first met him, it was a dark blonde approaching brown, now it was a beautiful white. Just like his hair. She hoped she would get white hair like that when she got older, a lot of elderly people seemed to have more grayish hair, like her mother. She definitely preferred the white.

Her comment immediately made his hand reach for his beard. “It’s getting quite white, nowadays huh?”

“Don’t worry, Steve. It looks great,” Peggy said from the couch, only now joining the conversation which she had been observing. Natasha couldn’t agree more with her statement.

She quickly looked through more of the book, which were almost only drawings of her, until suddenly she saw her mother again. Actually she didn't see herself in the drawings afterwards. When she saw a little baby, who she pretty surely knew to be Edith, she understood why. These were drawn after he had gotten back in time. She looked him in the eyes and his expression confirmed what she already thought. Quickly she flipped the pages back to the last drawing of her, which she had only glanced over a moment ago.

Her hair was braided in the drawing, which – not to brag but – looked good on her, falling over one of her shoulders. Her suit wasn’t her usual catsuit, it looked different, special, somehow. But what did that really matter compared to the way she smiled? It looked so genuinely, so _lovingly_ with a mixture of strength, determination, admiration and _love_ in her eyes. Natasha presumed that she had been looking at him, in the picture. There were words written underneath it, _See you in a minute_.

“I’ve never seen a minute take this long,” he all but sobbed. It broke her heart to hear the hurt in his voice. The memory still haunted him, she could tell. He teared up a bit and swallowed. “The braid wasn’t even falling over your shoulder, it just hang behind your back.” Natasha didn’t need to ask. She knew. This had been just before her death. The last time that he had seen her. He pulled her in close and she rested her face on his strong shoulder. Peggy had come to sit beside him on the other side, rubbing soothing circles on his back with the palm of her hand.

 

That night in her bed, she looked at her father’s notebook again. Carefully observing each and every drawing, instead of spending her time sleeping. She was going to regret that in the morning. It didn’t escape her notice that her gaze lasted the longest on the drawings of her, which were definitely the most occurring. She scanned every single little detail, but she could only imagine what the reality must have looked like. For even a great drawer like her father couldn’t possible capture all the elements of reality with a few strokes of a pencil. He had confessed to Natasha that the other her had never been aware of the fact that he drew her. That only made all of this even more impressive, he had drawn all of this from memories. It also served as another confirmation that he’d loved her, the drawings of her had the most detail of them all. But she knew now for a fact – which she hadn’t told him, because how could she – that the other her had loved him just as much. The look in the last picture said it all, if that wasn’t love, then she didn’t know what was. She knew that her father couldn’t have possibly just added that in the drawing, real love wasn’t something one could  know how to draw, this had been from memory. She had looked that way, cause real love looked like that, that couldn’t be imagined by someone.

She smiled fondly at the drawings of Michael and Edith when they had been just children, she’d only ever know them as adults. Edith had been a mother of three, when she first met her. Michael 37 years old. Because of the age difference she hadn’t been able to spend that much time with them, but she viewed them as siblings nonetheless. Seeing them as kids made her wish she had been born 30 years earlier.

Then she gasped, because a little seven year old girl with long hair, standing behind a bed came into view. She recognized it immediately. That was her, not the one from the other timeline, not the one he had loved, no her. Her heart warmed at the memories it brought up, the first time she’d seen him in real life. Before that, she’d only ever seen documentaries on the legendary Captain America. However, Captain America was just a title, her father was so much more. She was drawn on almost all of the following pages, underneath the Christmas tree, winning her first karate tournament, Maria and her as they attended the graduation feast of their first year. Maria had been permitted at the military school and was having a lot of fun there, despite the fact that they both studied at different places, they had kept in touch, something she was very grateful for. Natasha saw herself, on her fifteenth birthday party, sitting on top of Clint’s shoulders as he was giving her a ride around the house, the girls cheering her on, probably because of the talk of the girls night sleepover before. She saw herself in the pretty red dress, she wore at last year’s birthday party of Tony. She saw her and Peggy laughing as they were playing cards and she saw herself smile at the first glance of her new motorcycle.

The last picture in the book had her and her father sitting on her bed, his comforting arm around her back. This was the only time in the entire book that he’d drawn himself and for reasons she couldn’t explain, he looked perfect. It was probably lucky for him that she had this huge mirror in her room, otherwise this would’ve been a hard one to draw from memory. She remembered this as their conversation from a week ago. In the drawing she smiled, the tears still in her eyes, but she smiled and he smiled along with her. This was the only other drawing in the book that contained written text. _You’re the most loving person I’ve ever met_ were the words above the drawing. However it were the words under the picture that hit her the most _You'll always have my love, Nat. No matter what._ Her eyes were a little glassy as she put down the notebook and went to sleep.

She had never slept so peacefully before.

 

* * *

 

**April 17 th, 2001**

As soon as Steve had heard what had happened, he had raced from SHIELD straight to the hospital. He stopped his car and ran to the front door of the hospital as fast as his legs could carry him. His legs weren’t what they had once been in the golden age of his serum, but still way above average.

“Where is she?” he hastily asked the receptionist in his hurry, not wanting to lose a minute, cause one minute could mean the difference between life and death.

“Who are you looking for, sir?” the woman behind the counter asked, not even confused, like she daily saw people as frantic as he was now.

He took a sigh, being stressed and hasty wasn’t the fastest option in the long run, he just needed to be calm. “Margaret Carter.”

“Just a minute, sir. And I’ll look her up.” He didn’t notice the sound of her ticking on the keyboard and just stood there waiting. “She’s been placed on the intensive care in room 3.72B, that’s on the third floor. Just follow the signs and you’ll get there.”

“Thank you,” he replied after which he sped through the hospital, hastily excusing himself to all the people he bumped into.

When he finally approached the room, he was stopped by an assistant. “You’re here for Margaret Carter?” he asked, to which Steve nodded.

“I’m Joseph, her husband.” The man offered him a look of sympathy.

“She’s been hit by something radioactive, we’re still busy finding a proper cure. All we can do now, is preventing it from causing any further harm. The last time I’ve heard, she was stable. But she’s kept on the intensive care, just to be safe.”

At first he sighed out of relief. She was alive. She was stable. Then one of his words repeated itself in his mind _radioactive_. That was bad. Very bad. “Radioactive? I was informed it was a bomb.”

“It was a bomb, sir. A radioactive bomb.”

“Oh God, no,” he exclaimed. He’d heard that there was a bomb thrown into their house, a normal bombs damage could be repaired, a radioactive bomb was way more dangerous. What if it caused mutations to his wife? One thing, he was sure of was that they wouldn’t be able to return to their house, any time soon. But what did it matter, it was just a house. A new house could be bought. A new life for Peggy, could not.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Before she went under, she told us it was Hydra’s doing. A bunch of Hydra fanatics. She suspected that they targeted your house as some sort of revenge.” Steve let out a gasp. Hydra? Not that couldn’t be. He’d wiped them out, hadn’t he? “We have no way of confirming that, for all we know the radioactivity could have disillusioned her.”

“Can you excuse me for a minute?” he asked, wanting to be alone.

“Of course, sir.”

He knew, he just knew that this had to be Hydra’s doing. She wouldn’t be disillusioned so easily, his wife was strong of mind. If she thought they were of Hydra, then he had little reason to not believe her. This was all his fault. It had been an act of revenge, he’d destroyed most of Hydra, so they tried to destroy him and his loved ones. If he hadn’t gone back in time, this all wouldn’t have happened. It made him think back to the first moment he had spent in this timeline.

~

A bald pale-skinned woman approached him back then. He recognized her to be the same woman he had returned the time stone to. He hadn't made much of a conversation last time, being in a hurry to deliver the stones. “Steven Grant Rogers,” she greeted him. The woman was clad in long yellow robes, a majestic appearance. Steve couldn’t possible guess her age, but he saw instantly that her wisdom far surpassed it. She appeared even more mysterious than before.

“How do you know my name? he asked, slightly startled. He had seen things that were harder to explain, but it was making him feel uneasy nonetheless. This wasn't the same version of the woman he had met before, so she couldn't possibly remember him, yet she knew his name.

“You are of this world, though not of this time,” she stated, ignoring his question and being unnervingly correct again. “You don’t belong here.”

He didn’t _belong_ here, the words rang through his head and filled him with fear. He didn’t feel like he belonged in his timeline either, not after _she_ was gone. That’s why he had traveled to this time, to find some form of belonging. “I came to make this world a better place, than the one I’ve known” he said, ignoring her statement.

“You came for _her_ ,” she said as if she could read his mind. “It’s her life that you wish to improve.”

For some reason he felt like being sincere to the mysterious woman was in his best interest. “Not just hers.” He sighed. “She deserves better, but so does the world. You can’t imagine what horrors will come to pass.”

“I can imagine quite a lot. They call me the Ancient One. I’ve been protecting this world for centuries against the biggest threats out there.” Something about her, made him believe every word she spoke. “Your presence leads to a many different alternate futures. Some good, some disastrous. You say your timeline has endured many horrors, but what if your presence will cause the same for my timeline? You are a risk, Steven Rogers.”

“You’re not going to stop me,” he said, determined to improve the world, no matter what some _Ancient One_ with prophetic abilities had to say about it.

“Oh I could,” she said without a trace of doubt visible in her face. “But, I won’t.”

“Why not?” he asked surprised.

“Because you’re a risk I’m willing to take. You have a good heart, Steven. And the world might turn out better for it. You could perhaps be one of my greatest allies in protecting this timeline.” There was a wisdom concealed behind every word of hers.

“And what if I’m not? You just said that I don't belong here.”

“You don't belong here as of now," she said mysteriously. "Follow your heart. That’s all I can tell you, all you need to know, all I can ask of you. Never give up, otherwise this timeline will suffer the consequences.” Her words were stern. He wouldn’t give up. Never. _Whatever it takes_. “I wish you all the luck in the world, Steven Grant Rogers.” She paused before walking away. “You’ll need it.”

“Thanks ma’am!” he shouted after her and he swore he could her a soft chuckle before she opened a portal formed by an orange circle of energy which looked all too familiar. _Freaking Doctor Strange_.

~

He had done what she had said him to do. He had followed his heart, never giving up. So then why would Peggy have to suffer the consequences? Maybe this was what the Ancient One had meant by _never give up_. There would inevitably come setbacks in his life, he shouldn’t give up after one of them. Because as long as he didn’t, the world would turn out a safer place. That was his duty, and sometimes duty needed to come before love.

 

* * *

 

**April 22 nd, 2001**

“How is she?” Natasha asked the doctor’s assistant. A student named Laura Clarke. Laura was a short girl around her age, with beautiful dark brown flowing hair with her eye color matching her hair. She had befriended the girl in the past days here in the hospital.

“She’s doing great,” she said, eyeing Natasha’s mother in the hospital bed. “As great as she can do, anyway. She’s making lots of progress, such amazing willpower, especially for an eighty year old.”

“Yeah, she’s really strong,” Natasha agreed. “I don’t know how to thank you enough. Without your study on DNA-mutations and radioactivity she probably wouldn’t have made it out alive.” She felt like she owed Laura a great debt. She had saved the life of her mother through her studies.

“Well, the doctors themselves know a thing or two about it as well,” Laura said – being the humble girl that she was – while smiling and rubbing her hand on the backside of her head. “And how many times do I have to say that you don’t have to thank me? If anything I should be thanking you. How many interns get the opportunity to test their still experimental researches?”

“It saved her life,” she empathized. “They could have kept a disease at bay, but they didn’t know of a cure. That was all you. Experimental or not, it was worth a try. She would have thought so too,” she said while glancing at her mother again, just feeling such an incredible relief that she was going to be okay. Her father would need that, and she as well.

Then Clint entered the room, to come pick her up for their latest mission. “Hey, Nat.” Both she and Laura turned their heads to the door at the sound of his voice.

“Hey,” she greeted him while Laura exclaimed a slightly awkward _hi_. Clint smiled back at them.

“Ready for our mission?” he asked her, while putting his hands on his waist, standing there waiting.

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute,” she assured him. “You can go to the car already, I’ll catch up.” She had seen a certain brunette outright staring at Clint and she wasn’t about to leave it at that. Perhaps Laura thought it would go unnoticed, but she was trained to be a spy by both the Red Room and SHIELD. That and Natasha was still a teenage girl, such things didn’t escape her notice.

“Okay,” he said, probably not understanding why they wouldn’t just walk together. But he knew her longer than today so he didn’t argue or bother to ask questions. He just walked out.

Before she even had the chance to press Laura about it, the brunette herself spoke up, making Natasha shift her gaze to her. “Is hunky-pants your boyfriend? Cause _damn_.”

Natasha outright laughed, she hadn’t thought Laura to be so open about it, more expecting her to be shy and sticking to denial. Laura almost reminded her of Maria in that moment. “He’s single,” she assured the girl, with a knowing look.

“Haven’t you considered, you know… smashing that?” Natasha grinned at that. Yup, definitely like Maria.

“Been there, done that,” she admitted. “Though it was more like a friend with benefits situation we had going on.”

“You mean like casual sex?” Laura asked, looking unpleasantly surprised. “Not really my thing.”

“Not really his either,” Natasha said, even though it was actually her that took the initiative in breaking up their relationship. She knew he was happier for it too, they were just back at best friends and everything was easier for it. They were actually closer now than they were then. He was her best friend and screw anyone who thinks that men and women couldn’t possibly be just friends. “Didn’t work for us. We’re friends now and I like to keep it that way.”

“Well if I were you, I would wanna be more than _just_ friends with him.”

That made Natasha scoff. “You don’t even know him.”

Then a little blush appeared on Laura’s cheeks, which didn’t escape Natasha’s notice. “Could you introduce me?” She paused before adding: “As a way to return the favor.” A smirk was clearly visible on her face.

Natasha chuckled while shaking her head, like she couldn’t believe the way Laura suddenly acted, like a totally different person than the one she knew. “Well, if you want to… Tony Stark is celebrating his 31st birthday on the next Saturday, I could bring you along? He’ll be there.”

Laura smiled brightly at her. “I’d love too.”

“Then I better get going,” she said while walking to the door eager to not let Clint waiting more than necessary. “See you tomorrow.” She waved at her, before leaving.

“Nat?” Laura’s voice caused her to stop in her tracks. She turned around to see the brunette grinning. “What’s sexy’s name?”

“Clinton Francis Barton, but don’t call him that,” she warned. “Just Clint will do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was the eleventh chapter. Thank you all for reading!  
> Let me know what you guys think! Comments and Kudos are appreciated :)  
> PS: Question: Do you like the Clint/Laura pairing? I myself loved it, despite the extremely low minutes of screen time they actually had together. And I'm a huge fan of a Laura and Nat friendship.  
> I hope to be able to post soon, cause next week is looking to be kinda busy for me.  
> Thanks for reading! ^^


	12. Love at First Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> It's been a long time sorry. My exams are finally over and after having had two very busy weeks, I've finally had the time to finish chapter 12 today. I hope you all enjoy it!

**April 29 th, 2001** 

“You’re still letting Clint drive you around, huh?” Maria asked her teasingly. “Like the lazy little bitch you are.” They were sitting in the back of his car, ready for Tony’s huge ass birthday party and she could hear Clint snickering behind the wheel, probably as a reaction on Maria’s comment.

“He isn’t getting to the party without me so…,” she said, playing along with her friend. “Right, Francis?”

Clint groaned. He had agreed to let her call him Francis for just one night, if she were to get him into Tony’s party. Just for laughs on her side of course, but she wasn’t wasting this opportunity, so she called him by his second name at every chance she got. “Yes, ma’am,” he replied playfully reluctantly. “So who exactly is this other girl we’re picking up?”

“Laura,” Natasha clarified. “You’ve met her at the hospital last week.” He made a face which seemed to exclaim one word only, _who?_ Natasha rolled her eyes, _boys_. Laura sure as hell wouldn’t have forgotten Clint.

“Laura who?” Maria asked.

“Clarke. You know her?” The brunette next to her just shrugged as an answer.

“She’s a friend of yours?” This time it was Clint who asked a question. She decided to play wingman – or wingwoman – for Laura

“Yes, Francis, she’s great. Saved my mother’s life with her study. Funny and intelligent, we get along so great,” she tried her best to boast about her, without it being to obvious.

Apparently it was kinda obvious as Maria whispered in her ear: “Are you like setting them up?” Natasha didn’t even think about denying it to her friend, instead she put a finger on her mouth in order to shush Maria. Clint couldn’t know about it after all.

“What’s her address?” he asked indifferently, ignoring all of her compliments of Laura.

“Queenslane 97.”

A minute or ten later they arrived at Laura’s. Natasha stepped out of the car, while the other two stayed in the car like they were glued to their seats. A tall almost bald man opened the door – Laura’s father she presumed – which made Natasha wonder how in earth Laura was so short. While Laura’s father shouted for his daughter, a woman came to stand next to him, looking so young that she could have been Laura’s older sister, but instead she introduced herself as Laura’s mother.

Then Laura herself appeared, dressed in a daring black dress, nicely complementing her eyes and fingernails. “Hey Nat,” the brunette greeted as she went in for a hug.

“Ready for the party?” Natasha asked excitedly, gladly reciprocating the hug.

“Is that your car?” she asked, pointing at the big black Ford Explorer parked on the side of the street.

She shook her head in response, her long red hair almost dancing in the wind during the movement. “It’s from hunky-pants,” she teased with a wink.

“It’s cute,” Laura said, even though Natasha didn’t really see what was so _cute_ about it, if she had to think of a word to describe it, she would say _though_ or _cool_ , but cute? Nah.

Natasha pulled the front door of the car open and waved Laura over. “After you.” For a little moment Clint looked kinda startled, probably thinking that Natahsa was going to sit next to him instead of a girl he had once sort of met in a hospital.

While pulling open her own door and joining Maria in the back of the car, she heard Laura introduce herself to Clint. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied, looking slightly out of his comfort zone.

“I’m Laura,” she said, while pulling one of her hand through her hair to swing it around her shoulder, no doubt purely for a nice first impression. Maria eyed Natasha with a knowing look and rolled her eyes to the pair in front of them.

He swallowed. “Clint.” After a pause he slightly awkwardly added: “Nice to meet ya.”

The rest of the ride she and Maria spent the most time looking and whispering about what was happening right in front of them, speculating (more like betting actually) whether or not they would work out as a couple. They had to change _whether or not_ into _when_ because both girls were fairly certain that the two just clicked. Maria betted 20 bucks on them getting together that same night at the party, and in any case other than that Natasha would win.

The lights shone brightly at Stark’s New York mansion. Clint handed his car over to a servant who would park it safely. Him being the overprotective mother that he was, only let the poor man take care of his car when he’d sworn to not put a single scratch on it. Natasha hooked her arm into Maria’s and her little plan worked because behind her she saw Laura hooking her arm into Clint’s. There were a lot of camera flashes around them, even though none of them were actually famous. At least they didn’t have to deal with intrusive press.

A man, dressed all in red just like Natasha, reached out his hand, waiting for an invitation. Natasha pulled the thing out of her little purse to hand it over after which the man glanced over it one or twice, before confirming it was real and approving. “Welcome, miss Romanoff.”

She nodded politely in response. “These three are my guests, can I bring them along?” She knew the answer already of course.

“But of course,” he replied before waving them inside.

As soon as they were inside, she caught the eye of Tony himself. The moment their eyes met, he excused himself to one of his guests and walked over to them. “Natasha!” he excitedly greeted, inviting her into his arms.

“Hey Tony,” she said while giving him a hug. Tony was almost twice as old as she was, celebrating his 31st birthday today.

Then he broke their embrace, though his hands remained on her elbows as he spoke. “Where’s your great-grandpa? Has he finally realized that party’s aren’t well-suited for eighty-year-olds?”

Natasha rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop smiling. “He _is_ pretty damn old,” she agreed, then turning more serious. “You’ve heard about my mother right?”

“Yeah,” he sadly said, giving her arms a comforting squeeze. “Nasty business. I heard she’s doing better though?” The last words made his sentence sound like a question.

“She is,” she contently said. “Thanks to this one.” She practically pulled Laura in front of Tony, which caused Clint to stumble as her arm was hooked in his own arm just a moment before.

“Hi,” Laura greeted him nervously. “It’s a pleasure to meet you mister Stark.”

“The pleasure is mine,” he replied sincerely. “You saved the life of a dear friend of mine. For that I am grateful.” Then his eyes flung to other entering guests. “Friends of Natasha are friends of mine,” he said to the four of them. “Go enjoy my fabulous party.” And with that he was gone to receive another guest, he sure was busy. A little too busy for Natasha’s taste.

Maria grabbed Natasha’s shoulder to pull her away. “Well it is getting a little hard to breath here, Tasha and I will go grab some air on the balcony. We’ll catch up later,” she said, excusing them. She practically pulled Natasha with her, to give the probably-soon-to-be lovebirds some space.

“I see what you’re playing at,” Natasha accused her friend with a knowing look. Damn Maria, always doing everything to win a bet. While they were still within hearing range she heard Clint asking Laura if she wanted to get a drink. A little smile appeared on her lips, she was gonna lose the bet, but that wasn’t the point.

As they leaned on the fence of the balcony, with a nice view of the city, Maria spoke up. “You sure you’re fine with it?”

“What?” Natasha asked in return, hoping for some form of clarification, to which her friend rolled her eyes.

“You know he’s getting laid right? Maybe not tonight. Definitely sometime soon though.” It took Natasha a moment to figure out what exactly Maria was talking about.

“You mean Francis?” she asked, just to make sure.

“Who else, duh.” Maria stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“God, Maria. I told you it’s not like that. It was just sex for the heck of it!” she burst out somewhat to loudly as she saw a couple of elderly people staring at her in slight disgust, before walking away.

“Whatever you say, girl,” she said not really looking like she truly believed it. Then she eyed Natasha and her look became somewhat concerned. “You okay?” she asked gently.

Natasha took a deep breath. “It’s just… All this stuff about Hydra. They targeted us on purpose Maria! I keep thinking about losing one of my parents. It almost happened. What if they find us again?”

Her friend gave her an apologetic look. “I don’t know about Hydra. But I do know this: your parents are the founders of SHIELD. Your mother has been trained in stuff like espionage, you’re father was one of SHIELD’s greatest agents, still is. They won’t get killed that easily, especially now that Hydra’s lost the element of surprise.”

“Thanks, Maria,” Natasha sincerely said, feeling cheered up quite a bit.

“That’s what friends do for each other,” she replied smiling. Thereafter a concerned look took place on her face. “All this stuff about secretary Pierce, is it true?” Natasha nodded in confirmation. “How did they find out?”

Natasha debated to herself whether or not to tell Maria the whole truth, she shrugged. “Some of the Agents believed him to have played a role in Hydra’s attack. Research proved them right.” She conveniently let out the part of her father being the one to voice his suspicions to director Fury – because apparently Pierce had been of Hydra in his timeline – who then opened the investigation and presented the evidence to the World Security Council, which resulted in Pierce getting arrested. The only reason why her father hadn’t told Fury about Pierce before was because he had genuinely believed Hydra to be gone and therefore he had thought Pierce to be a better man. Unfortunately he had been wrong.

One look at Maria and she knew that her friend didn’t buy her story completely, but Maria didn’t press about it. “So…” she began, building up some tension. “Wanna see if you owe me twenty?”

Natasha couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden switch of the subject and she gladly gave Maria her money at the end of the night.

 

* * *

  

 **December 29 th, 2002** 

“What’s this for?” she asked Clint as he handed her a purple envelope.

“Call it a late Christmas present,” he excitedly said, not being able to hide the grin on his face.

She opened the thing and let out a gasp. It said _wedding invitation_. “You’re not getting married, right?” She felt the corners of her mouth pull up into a big smile. His smile only grew. “You are?” she asked in disbelief.

“I am,” he confirmed, not giving her more than that and therefore forcing her to bombard him with questions.

“What? How? When?” she asked while giving her best friend the biggest hug in history, before playfully adding “Who?”

“Laura,” he assured her. “As for the how…” He laughed kinda nervously. “We weren’t _that_ careful you know and then she got pregnant. And this time… I proposed for real.”

Natasha couldn’t help but laugh, that was so Clint. She was so glad it worked out for him this time. Then it struck her. “Wait? She’s pregnant too?!” she all but cried out, excitement for her friend spreading through her whole body. He didn’t need to answer. His smile proved enough of a confirmation. “Oh my god, Clint. That’s amazing!”

“I’m going to be a father!,” he exclaimed with more happiness than she’d ever heard him speak before. She knew Clint was way happier with Laura than he’d ever been with Bobbi and certainly happier than he would have been with her. That alone was enough to fill her with joy.

“Twenty’s kinda young though,” she teased, knowing no joke could ruin this beautiful moment.

“I’m almost 21, you know,” he quipped right back at her.

“A father at 21,” Natasha stated. “That’s still crazy.”

“You know what’s crazier?” he asked her, laughing. She raised her brows as a signal for him to carry on. “You’ll be an aunt at eighteen.”

Natasha couldn’t explain how happy that word made her. _Aunt_. She was gonna be an aunt to Clint and Laura’s child. She was gonna have a nephew or a niece. “Thanks,” she said sincerely, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “You know what’s the craziest?”

“No?” he laughed.

“You just gave a wedding invitation as a Christmas present.”

They both laughed at that and she grabbed Clint to give him another hug. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I’ll always love you for that. You deserve this so _fucking_ much.”

“Love you for that too,” he whispered before breaking their embrace. “You’ll find love like me one day too. I’m sure of it.”

 

* * *

 

 **December 3 rd, 2011** 

All around her Natasha heard men complain about the cold, like a bunch of whiners. The cold had never bothered her, the winters in Siberia were always harsh, they certainly had been in her time. Though the cold was hardly the harshest part of her time there.

Their team had received a call, a strange large object had been sighted in the ice. Natasha grabbed on to all the hope that was left in her, 2012 was coming closer by the day and her father had said that he had been found in 2011. When she asked him about it a few months ago, distressed and saying that they would probably never even find him anymore, he comforted her and he’d said: “There’s no need to worry, I was found at the end of 2011, somewhere in the beginning of December.”

He hadn’t been able to remember the exact date, probably because he had not woken up immediately after they had pulled him from his icy prison. That wasn’t her worst concern, no, her worst concern had been the look of worry on his face. He’d told her not to worry, but he almost looked more worried than her and that thought frightened her. If her father wasn’t even confident that his younger self would be found, then how could she possibly be? Still there was a chance that the sighted object could actually be the Valkyrie. She wanted to believe it – but until she could confirm it with her very own eyes, until she would she _him_ – she couldn’t.

They met up with the man who’d called them, and he spoke up, pointing to the grand object stuck in the ice. “You see that?” he rhetorically asked, as all of them gasped at the sight of it.

From what was visible above the layer of ice, one could think it to look like a UFO. However, one more look and anyone with good eyes would be able to see more of it beneath the ice. It looked like a ship, perhaps it could be the Valkyrie after all.

“How come nobody’s ever found this before?” one of her men asked.

“It’s really not that surprising,” the man replied before explaining what he meant by that. “This landscape is constantly changin’.” As soon as he said that, all of them heard a howling wind. This was a very different landscape indeed. “I wish you good luck with moving it though, it’s massive.”

“We’ve got the equipment, don’t worry,” Natasha said without a trace of doubt. They were SHIELD after all, and they were prepared.

A few members of her team brought in a machine, with which they fired a small but powerful laser, creating a circle in the metal of the structure. Once said circle was completed it fell inside the structure, thereby creating a way in. They pinned a hook into the ice and attached a rope to it. She was the first one to enter, clutching the rope and letting her men roll it downwards. With her free hand, she grasped her flashlight to shed herself some light in the dark place. After a few flicks up, down, left and right, she could confirm that it was a ship. Then, she aimed her flashlight downwards in search for the bottom of the ship.

When her feet brushed the floor, she shouted to her men that it was safe, so that they could come after her. The floor was slightly sloping, because of the position of the ship in the ice, but it was very doable to just walk on it. As soon as the rest of the team was down there, they started out searching the ship for _him_ , and maybe some useable tech along the way. It didn’t even take ten minutes before Jake, one of her men, said – through her earpiece – that he’d found something. She rushed over to his location with the rest of the team.

Then she saw it, a silver star in the midst of a blue circle, with two red and white striped circles surrounding the inner blue one. She recognized it instantly from the many documentaries she’d seen on Captain America, both during and after her time in the Red Room. Her father’s shield had been painted fully black as part of him living undercover. She’d always thought that to be a bit silly, who uses a shield as a weapon anyways? Her father used to brush it of to others, saying that he’d always been a huge Captain America and therefore in his memory, he used a shield. She supposed that that was kind of believable as his whole act was to be a soldier from the 107th, who had been experimented on by Hydra only to be rescued by Captain America. Just like her Uncle James.

Instinctively, she found herself gently brushing over the vibranium shield, not flinching away from the cold at all. She had held her father’s shield many times before and without a doubt she knew that this was the exact same thing. Even the little sound her fingers created while lightly tapping on the shield sounded so familiar, tears almost sprang up in her eyes. Then, she realized that all of her men’s eyes were on her, probably wondering what the hell she was doing, so she stood up and regained her normal posture. She advised the rest of her team against using lasers to free the shield, fearing that if _he_ was lying under there, that he’d be scorched. She proposed using small good old pickaxes instead. It took some time with those, but sooner than later, they got it out. The shield in all it’s glory, less scratches on it then her father’s. However, it wasn’t the shield that she was most interested in, so she looked in the ice in which the shield had just been a few second ago and then she gasped loudly. There was a man beneath and not just any man. Captain America clad in his beautiful classic stars and stripes.

She couldn’t yet get a good look at his face, but she could recognize that muscled body everywhere, even if the outfit hadn’t made it obvious. After some time they could finally reach him and pull him out. She immediately checked for a pulse, to see if he would be alive. When she couldn’t feel it in his wrist she panicked slightly, before laying her head down on his chest, hoping, praying, to hear a beat and ignoring the surprised looks some of her men were giving her. She let out a sigh of relief when she heard it, a soft faint beat. “He’s alive!” she gasped, feeling all of the previous tension leave her body. She heard her mean say a lot of things.

“How’s that even possible?”

“He’s been under for 65 years.”

“It’s the serum I think.”

“Call Coulson or Fury or someone.”

“It’s 3 a.m.!”

“I don’t care what time it is, this one has waited long enough.”

She heard it all, but none of it truly reached her. All she cared about was the fact that she had done it, she’d found him, he was alive. That was all that mattered. For the first time, she gave herself a moment to look at him. He looked like him, younger though. He didn’t have the beard, nor the long hair, she’d known her father for.

Natasha hated the fact that the first word which came up in her head as she observed his face, was the word _hot_. She decided to use to word _handsome_ instead as he was still her father, in some way, she thought. That didn’t really make sense, he didn’t know her and she didn’t know this version. Still, she felt connected to him in a way she couldn’t describe.

She combed through his icy hair, looking almost as white as her father’s because of the snowflakes still in his hair. She felt happy, relieved, at peace, like her world made sense again. It had never completely felt that way after her father had told her, but it did now. All she wished for now was to see her father’s beautiful bright blue eyes, along with the touch of green, but his eyes remained closed. She’d have to wait to see them and she would. She had waited for eleven years after all, so she could definitely wait a little longer until he finally got conscious. She could do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo now there are two Steves in the picture....  
> I hope you all enjoyed it!  
> As always let me know what you guys think!  
> PS: I'm sorry for the long wait, it's been more than two weeks but I simply had no time.  
> PPS: In the last bit when Steve had snowflakes in his hair, I had to urge to slap in a joke about him being Captain Snowflake (my username), but luckily I could restrain myself hahaha.  
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Back to Missions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This chapter is somewhat shorter than the previous ones, but I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless!  
> Thanks for reading!

**December 5 th, 2011**

“Do you think he’ll wake up?”

“Well, hard to say. Though the doctors say he’s stable. Might happen soon,” Steve replied, carefully observing Natasha’s face as they stood there watching his younger self lying unconscious on his bed through a one-way mirror.

“He’ll wake up,” Bucky said encouragingly, coming to stand next to them. “I know he will.” Natasha gave him an appreciative smile.

Bucky turned out to be right as about an hour later his younger self weakly opened his eyes, adjusting to the light. Natasha gasped at the sight and took his hand, holding it firmly.

“Agent Barnes,” Fury said in his usual deep voice. It took only a slight nod from the director of SHIELD to let Bucky now that he could go. They had agreed that it was probably the best for his younger self to see someone familiar, and most of his friends had aged greatly or even died. Because of the serum, Bucky still looked relatively young, one would guess a year of fifty. It would be best to not directly throw him off after a 65 year long slumber.

His younger self had gotten up, looking around the room, confused. There was a hit from the forties playing in the room, they hoped that could provide some comfort.

“Hi Stevie,” Bucky said as he closed the door behind him.

“Bucky?” his younger self asked surprised. He didn’t seem to understand the situation, but of course he couldn’t. The last time he’d seen him, was when Bucky fell from the train into oblivion. “Are we dead?”

Bucky shook his head as he carefully sat on the edge of the bed. Steve looked sideways to see Natasha carefully observing, as much as he was, and his attention went back to Bucky and his younger self. “We’re not,” Bucky said gently, almost soothingly.

“You’re not dead?” he asked, looking incredibly pleasantly surprised.

“I fell into the river,” Bucky explained. “Zola found me. Experimented some more on me, luckily I was rescued. Later we destroyed almost everything left of Hydra.”

“You look… older,” he said, observing Bucky skeptically. “Is that because of the experiments?”

“I am,” Bucky calmly confirmed after which he let out a deep sigh and cleared his throat. “It’s not because of the experiments. In fact they’ve kept me from aging really.” Young Steve looked more confused than ever. “Look, Steve. This is going to be quite a shock. But this isn’t he world you know, not anymore. You crashed into the ice, you’ve been under for more than 65 years. We’re living in the year 2011.”

Young Steve’s skeptical eyes turned into a look of horror. He knew Bucky wasn’t lying, Steve could tell that. Natasha bit her lip, anxiously waiting how this was going to turn out. “No,” young Steve said. “It can’t be.”

“It’s true, Steve. I’m sorry.”

“Where are we?” he asked, suddenly standing up from his bed as if he would run out of the room as soon as he had the opportunity.

“Steve,” Bucky urged, getting up as well, to stand in front of him and block his way out. “You need to stay calm. That’s for the best.”

“Where _are_ we?” he repeated, louder this time and sounding more demanding.

“New York… However, it looks very different now.”

The curiosity in Steve’s younger self seemed to take over, because he pushed Bucky out of the way to sprint out of the room. So much for an easier reaction than he himself had had so many years ago. Fury and Bucky began running as well and Natasha made a move to follow them, but Steve grabbed her wrist and gently shook his head. “It might be better if he doesn’t know about us for a while.”

She nodded somewhat reluctantly. “You’re right… I’m just curious about him, you know. You understand that right?” she asked cautiously, not wanting to be misunderstood.

“Yeah,” he replied gently. “But he needs some time.”

A while later Fury came back. “And?” Natasha asked.

“Bucky took him to his new apartment. It’ll take some time, but he’ll get over it.” He looked towards Steve before he spoke up again. “Was is this bad back then?”

Steve recalled his own experience before replying: “No, that went worse.”

Fury smiled a little at that, then he turned serious. “I’ve considered your advice. But I can’t. The World Security Council would never agree. The tesseract looks like it could be the key to sustainable energy, something which the world direly needs.”

“But it’d be safer on Asgard,” Steve argued, feeling like it was the right thing to do. “If you keep it here, you’ll condemn the world to face an extraterrestrial attack.” This wasn’t about energy, this was about saving the lives of innocents.

“I believe you,” Fury said, looking sincere. “Time has always proven you right, but this isn’t in my control. This isn’t my call to make.”

“But it’s the right thing to do!” he all but yelled, not caring for Fury’s excuses. Preventing the attack meant saving innocents, saving Tony from PTSD and not to mention it would prevent a lot of unnecessary damage to New York City.

“Try telling that to the World Security Council,” he replied dryly.

“What can they do? You have the tesseract, find Thor, give it to Asgard. The council can’t take it back and you know it. You’re just afraid to lose your job!” Steve spat out, feeling his blood boiling. The tesseract would eventually go to Asgard anyway, if they could transfer it there beforehand and thereby prevent an alien attack, then there was no reason to keep it here any longer, no matter what some stupid council said.

“I will not act against our country!” Fury shouted back.

“That’s exactly what you’re doing by not giving it to Asgard.” He knew he should listen more often, but if something was morally right he needed to fight for that option, no matter the chain in command.

Steve stepped forward in Fury’s direction. But Natasha intervened. “Dad, not everything happens the same way. SHIELD will just protect the tesseract better. And if there’ll be aliens, we’ll just beat them right back to their shitty planet.”

Steve let out a sigh, he didn’t agree. But he couldn’t convince Fury or Natasha for that matter. It wasn’t as if he could just go behind Fury’s back and give the tesseract to Thor himself, he didn’t even know how to come in to contact with Thor and he had negated too much orders already. He just prayed that it would indeed play out differently this time.

 

* * *

 

**March 6 th, 2012**

Unfortunately, Natasha’s father turned out to be right about the alien attack. SHIELD had opted to increase the security around the tesseract, but some Norse god, Loki, was able to take it all the same. None of their agents had been a match for him. Erik Selvig and Bobbi Morse had even been turned into on of his henchmen trough some form of mind control. Things definitely weren’t going well, if only they had just given that damned thing to Asgard.

She’d volunteered for the mission to recruit Captain America, while Clint went to India to add Banner to their team and Agent Coulson went for a visit to the one and only Iron Man, Tony Stark. There were some who’d looked confused and were expecting her and Coulson’s missions to have been swapped. Probably because of his fanboying over Captain America and her close bond to Tony. Coulson and Clint themselves hadn’t been that surprised, since they had both been aware of her father’s secret identity for quite some time now. They knew how important this was for her.

Natasha found him in a training hall, ferociously beating up a boxing bag. His white shirt was tight enough for his muscles to show and looked a bit wet, due to the sweat of his workout. He looked pained in someway and it hurt her to see him in such a way. She scolded herself for feeling that way and jumped into her emotionless facade, which was something she’d grown comfortable with after the many years since she had joined SHIELD. Showing your emotions was dangerous and therefore she didn’t, or at least she’d try not to show them.

“You know,” she began, announcing her presence. “Instead of beating a bag, you could be of greater use.”

His bright blue eyes shot up at her, looking startled for a moment before regaining his comfort. She was still a spy of course, sneaking up at people was what she did best. “And how would I do that ma’am?”

She wasn’t expecting him to call her ma’am, but decided that she rather liked the sound of it. “By getting back into the world,” she clarified, handing over a file, filled with information about the tesseract, Loki’s staff and everything else of importance for their mission.

He looked through the file for a moment, mostly observing the pictures, before he met her eyes again, a slightly curious look on her face. “May I ask who you are?”

She couldn’t tell if it was the file of SHIELD or the sexy black dress of hers which suddenly sparked his interest in finding out who she was, though she kind of hoped it was the latter. “Special Agent Romanoff of SHIELD.”

“I’m guessing you already know who I am, miss Romanoff. Why else would you need me specifically?” Oh if he just knew exactly why she needed him, this damn mission was hardly the reason at all. She’d felt something three months ago when they had found him inside the ice. A connection.

She smiled a bit. “The world needs Captain America again. Are you up for it?” she made sure to make the last part sound like it was his duty to help SHIELD, cause she knew he couldn’t possibly ignore that. Her father couldn’t either.

He seemed to consider her proposition. “Last time I went to save the world, I got stuck in the ice, only to wake up 65 years later.”

“And how many people were saved because of it?” she asked, desperate to get him on their side. Upon viewing the doubt left in his mind, she handed him her business card. “Please do call us if you change your mind,” she paused before stressing his importance, “the world needs Captain America once more.”

Then she turned around, walking away. She desperately hoped for him to change his mind, if he was anything like _him_ , he would. Before she could leave the hall, she heard his strong voice. “Ma’am?” She turned around to face him with a slight smile appearing on her face. “Where do I sign up?”

“Right this way, mister Rogers,” she said, feeling the corners of her mouth pull up into a soft smile before gesturing for him to follow her.

He shook her hand as he caught up. “Steve Rogers, nice to meet you.”

“Natasha Romanoff,” she introduced herself.

“Natasha,” he repeated. “That’s a nice name.”

She tried to hide her slight blush, though to no avail. Another Captain America had given her the name twenty years ago.

 

* * *

 

**March** **7 th, 2012**

After he had met Natasha Romanoff, a lovely but mysterious woman in his opinion, she took him on a quinjet.

She seemed to smile a little, from a nice thought if he had to guess. “Is this your first time in a quinjet?”

“They weren’t exactly there in 1945,” he replied with a grin.

“Must be weird all this technology and all?” she asked, looking like she genuinely felt sorry for him.

“At this point I doubt anything can surprise me.”

There came no reply from her, only a sweet smile and then they sat in comfortable silence. Steve found Natasha quite enchanting and mysterious, as if she had three times as many secrets as him, maybe more.

Curiosity took over in him. “So… How did you end up joining SHIELD?”

“Both of my parents worked there, one of them still does, so it was just an easy choice for me.” He supposed the apple probably hadn’t fallen far from the tree in that case.

“A friend of mine works there now,” he stated.

“Agent Barnes?” she asked and he wondered how she knew.

“You know him?”

“He’s a good friend to our family,” she explained with a soft smile on her face. “He’s a mutual friend of ours I suppose. Luckily he found his place at SHIELD, I can’t bear to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t been rescued from Hydra.”

“Me neither,” he said. He had been relieved to find out that Bucky had survived his tumble out of the train. Bucky was a bit older than him now, with a lot more life experience, though they still clicked as friends like nothing was different.

Sometime later they prepared for landing. For a minute he was afraid that he would have to throw up from the uncomfortable unexpected motion, luckily he didn’t. As they made it out of the jet, he first realized that they had landed on some sort of ship. A giant ship, with more quinjets stalled on top of it. It reminded him of the war, a somewhat pleasant feeling of familiarity arose inside of him.

They were approached by a man, who looked incredibly excited, like he was a child who saw a unicorn in the sky. Natasha introduced him. “Captain Rogers, Agent Coulson.”

Agent Coulson immediately shook his hand, a little bit to tightly for Steve’s taste. “It’s an honor to meet you, sir,” he greeted while smiling widely.

“Any word about Barton’s mission?” Natasha asked Coulson.

“Doctor Banner has already arrived. There were no problems as far as I heard. He’s safe,” he replied.

“Good,” she said, seeming to be relieved. Steve wondered who this Barton was, he clearly meant a lot to Natasha. Was that just how much colleagues cared for one another here? Or was he someone special? “What about Stark?”

“You were right. He’s agreed to join the Avengers Initiative.” Then Agent Coulson excused himself, because he had a lot more things to do.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t asked you to sign his trading cards yet. When you came out of the ice, I thought he was gonna swoon,” she joked.

He decided to not go in on the latter. “Trading cards?”

“They’re vintage, he’s very proud. He’s gotten James… I mean Agent Barnes to sign them already.”

“I’ve always known him as Bucky,” he said to which she smiled lightly. “So what’s this Avengers Initiative about?”

“It’s a plan. A plan to put together a group of remarkable people to prevent the world from big threats. That’s putting it in Director Fury’s words at least. He’s behind it, no one really knows the ins and outs of his plan. But we trust him.” He nodded in response. Natasha certainly looked to have a great amount of respect for Fury, he’d seen the man a few times before and he had to say that Fury had a certain charm as director.

“Nat!” someone called out from behind, a man’s voice. He approached them along with another man. “I see you fulfilled your mission as always. I’d like you to meet doctor Banner.”

He was introduced to doctor Banner and the other man, who turned out to be Agent Barton.

“Word is you can find the cube,” Steve said, addressing Banner, while they walked away from the two SHIELD Agents.

“Is that the only word on me?” he asked curiously.

“The only word I care about.” The tesseract was a priority. He knew what it was capable of in the wrong hands.

Banner seemed to take in his answers for a little while before speaking up again. “Must be strange for you, all of this.”

“Well, actually this is kind of familiar,” he said, voicing his thoughts from earlier.

Natasha approached them from behind, closely followed by Agent Barton. “Gentlemen,” she said addressing the two of them. “You may wanna step inside in a minute. It’s gonna get a little hard to breath.”

“Is this a submarine?” he asked surprised, but neither Natasha nor Agent Barton bothered to answer him. They only stood there smiling as if saying: _see for yourself_.

“Really? They want me in a submerged pressurized metal container?” doctor Banner asked, voicing his concerns as they walked closer to the edge of the ship.

A loud sound erupted from beneath the ship and soon enough they were able to see huge fans arise from beneath the surface of the ocean. This wasn’t a submarine, it was going to fly! He heard Agent Barton chuckle, probably at their reaction. “Welcome to the SHIELD Helicarrier, gentlemen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was chapter 13, let me know what you guys think!  
> And thank you all for reading and commenting, I don't think I would've been motivated to continue the story otherwise. Thanks for your support!  
> PS: I'm going on vacation next week, so that probably means that I'm not going to be able to post for over two weeks :(  
> I have still some things to do beforehand, so I don't whether I'm going to be able to post chapter 14 before I leave. I hope I can, but I haven't been able to work on it as of now.


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